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how do i stay happy staying at home?!

i begged to get pregnant and begged to stay home, now i'm home with an 8 month old and at times close to insanity. My husband is the most wonderful man when he's home. He created the most wonderful Valentines day for me! but He works constantly to make up for me not working and I am constantly working at making sure he doesn't get stressed out at home. I have no time for myself everything goes to my son and husband. I have no friends that are married or have kids so i'm alone as well. I catch myself falling into a depression at times and have little patience with my son who is crawling and talking now and into everything. The only relief i have is when my husband gets home late in the evening. Then I feel lighter. Jobs are few and hard to come by and money is tight so daily actvities are limited. Am I a terrible mother for having these feelings of being unhappy? please give advice and feedback!

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married_mama

Asked by married_mama at 11:20 AM on Feb. 17, 2010 in Babies (0-12 months)

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Answers (15)
  • You are not terrible at all. I wanted to stay home so bad once I had my son and I only did it for about 4 1/2 months before I knew I'd be a better mom if I worked. I now work part time so I still see the kids but I also have a reason to get up and out every day. Staying at home is hard and I didn't realize until I did it. Although I love spending time with him, I also love being my own person. Why not try to get a job part time? Or joining a class that have other mothers who stay at home, like mommy and me classes. If nothing else, you could meet some friends that are in the same situation you are and you could hang out with them for the day. Hope this helps.. GL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:23 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • welcome to my world. i been sahm for almost 3 yrs and i hated it!! i feel like am wasiting away. i have no friends, no life. thats why am going back to work and starting college
    piwife

    Answer by piwife at 11:25 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • You know, there are a LOT of ppl with the misconception that they always need to FEEL happy being a stay at home mom. But the truth is, more often than not, there are going to be times where you hate your job...or parts about mothering that you don't like. It's like this with any job! Trust me, your kids will thank you someday for making the sacrifice in order to BE THERE for them. And why go out and work when anyone can take your place once youre gone? NO ONE can replace you for being there and being your childrens mother. And NO ONE can love your child the way you do. SO WHAT....life's not a bowl of cherries? Money, things, and co-worker relationships never truly give a person true meaning....AND WHEN YOU'RE ON YOUR DEATH BED....YOU WON'T be wishing you could have worked more hours and spent more time away from your kids!!!!!!!
    Heathercurlz

    Answer by Heathercurlz at 11:34 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • Staying home is not for all of us. I did it for a couple of months, and none of us liked it. Especially not my son, who was already in school and didn't like missing out on the after school care because that's where all his friends were.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:35 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • join a moms meetup group. make friends. get out of the house..it doesn't cost anything.
    amileegirl

    Answer by amileegirl at 11:40 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • I just wanted to add this as well...It doesn't help us mothers don't feel very valued when society more often than not see's it as a wussy thing to do. But this attitude WILL NOT change untill we begin to find the value in it ourselves and take this more seriously. WE are RAISING CHILDREN to become worthwhile adults, and I've never met a kid that felt worthwhile when his parent's didn't make them a priority.

    Look forward to the little things; the smiles, the hugs, the laughter. Do yourself a favor and go and tickle your little tike and tell me that when he giggles back at you, that that doesn't make you happy. It's pretty simple really, once you think about it!! I hope you'll start realizing that what you do is so much more important than any other thing you COULD be doing at this very moment. Don't let society devalue your pricelessness!
    Heathercurlz

    Answer by Heathercurlz at 11:41 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • You are having normal feelings. The first year is the hardest.

    Try to get out of the house. Go places where you can walk with your baby in the stroller or in a sling or carrier. Find mother's groups. If you are breastfeeding you could go to La Leache League meetings. Look on Craigslist for groups of moms. If you live in a bigger city you may be able to find a group on the discussion boards at the Mothering Magazine web site.

    Read parenting books now like Love & Limits by Elizabeth Crary so you have a wonderful toddler not a wild child that screams no, throws tantrums, bites, hits, and doesn't 'listen'. Crary has a website called Star Parenting.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 11:42 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • I felt this way too until I searched meetup.com. I searched for "stay at home mom" in my city and found a great group of women. They mostly have babies and toddlers who arent in school yet and plan free and cheap play dates in our area. The summers are easiest because we can hit the park for picnic and play. But we also go to the zoo on half price days, play areas around town or at the mall, moms only nights....its really great.
    MamaChamp

    Answer by MamaChamp at 11:45 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • I realize what I do is priceless, but i just don't want to lose myself in it. I treasure my child and keep all moments, but i am still a woman and i still want to have a part even a very small part of myself kept alive.
    married_mama

    Answer by married_mama at 11:45 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • Oh I also found ways to "work" and contribute more at home. Coupon cutting, sites like dealseekingmom.com and groupon help me contribute financially. And I've started a garden wich is alot of work but its fun, exciting, and as your baby groups he/she will enjoy it with you. I was bored at first but then I realized the FREEDOM I had to really dig into things I always had a desire to do but didnt make the energy or time for. Even meal planning, and cooking homeade meals has become a joy. It may not be your thing..but you will find what is. Give it some time and try to branch out but if you really don't like then consider working part time or full time again. Maybe even get a loan and take some online classes to advance your future career. I hope you grow to love it...I've found it to be so much more rewarding than I initially thought it was. :)
    MamaChamp

    Answer by MamaChamp at 11:51 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

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