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I just need to know how to forgive!

My husband did a lot of hurtful things to me over the past few years. Perhaps I'm a little girl even though I'm 30 years old because I just can't put things behind me. Is it because I never dealt with the issues? I just took a huge gulp and swallowed hard and put everything aside and dealt with life instead of the problems? I hide everything from everyone around me and pretended like we lived this happy little life and made the whole world seem like I had this prince of a man instead of this selfish ass of husband who maybe now has changed but then made my life a living hell. I think about the past three years and look in the mirror and how old I look for having to grow up so fast and hurt so bad for it and I cry. Sometimes I want scream. And even though now things are a bit better, how do I let go of how bad I felt then. Or do I just keep swallowing?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:35 PM on Feb. 17, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • Therapy?? And pretending to be something you are not probably makes it worse. Be proud of who you are and let your imperfections show, including those in your relationship. There is no such thing as perfect, perfect is boring. Odds are some of the people in your life can see through you and may know things haven't been great and those that love you will stand by you no matter what

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:56 PM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • i know how you feel. My husband cheated on me when I was pregnant with our second kid, then again when my second child was 6 months old. Then again last year. I can't forget it cause he denies everything still...even though I had some proof. I try to think of him as one of my kids, cause when your kids hurt you, you scold them and then put it aside, but you never forget what they have done and you always watch to make sure they don't do it again. I just decided that they can't help but mess up. And I talk to people about what he did...he doesn't like it, but it makes it easyer on me. You should try talking about it. Theres something about other people knowing what he has none, that makes me feel better. If you don't want to talk to friends, talk on here where no one knows you. Holding it in is what makes it eat you inside and out. Try to write poems about it or how you feel.

    Answer by GotToHaveFaith at 1:02 PM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • I also have a friend that buys plates from a thrift store, and she takes a marker and writes on it what is making her sad or angry...then she throws it and breaks it into amillion pieces. That is her release of frustration. She always comes back looking happy and care free. I know it may sound stupid...but therapy and things like that can cost alot. This is a form of therapy if you will. It lets you get out your anger and let go of the things that you wrote on the plate. You may have to write the same thing over and over again through the years...but I think it will help if you let it. You just have to imagine that feeling leaving you has the plate breaks.

    Answer by GotToHaveFaith at 1:10 PM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • I would tell him how you feel NO HOLDS BAR'ED!! Even if you dont think he will hear you! It's not so much about him hearing as it is you getting all of that pent up pain/anger gone.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:23 PM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • I just read what you wrote and cried. That sounds exactly like my life. I couldn't give you advice because I'm still wondering how to fix my problems

    Answer by shanelle06 at 4:18 PM on Feb. 20, 2010

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