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More of a vent but advice is appreciated!

ok so i filed for sole custody of my son and in his father's response papers he lied and said ds lived with him part time. PURE BS! I am so pissed. Im sure that he will get a lot of people to lie and say ds did live with him and that he went to all dr appts. I have collected many(like ten) declarations stating the ds lived with me 100% of the time. i also have his dr saying ds's father attended the first several visits but never without me and all he did was sit without talking at all. What can I expect at mediation? My ex and his family are very corrupted people and are very good with forging evidence. im afraid that some how the mediator will side with all his lies. any advice? all he  has to say is ds stayed with him on weekends and never bothered to take pictures and that i provided all supplies, right?  UGH!

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Jnc91

Asked by Jnc91 at 2:05 PM on Feb. 17, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 8 (211 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • How old is your child? If he is old enough to tell the truth, that may help you...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:10 PM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • He is 1 1/2 yrs
    Jnc91

    Answer by Jnc91 at 2:14 PM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • If you go into mediation upset and calling the father a lier and sounding like a crazy woman. You will hurt yourself. You want to be the calm one and you want him to look like the crazy one and you want him to slip up and get caught in his own lies.

    You don't say how old your child is. There is physical custody and legal custody (decision making). What is normal depends on your state or county. You don't say why you don't want joint custody or why he does want joint custody.

    I took a mediation course in grad school. This is how it is supposed to work. The mediator talks to both of you. Then the mediator talk to each of you alone and finds out what is important to you and what you will give up. Then you come back together and the mediator tries to work out a deal both will agree to.

    That probably won't work and the mediator will order evaluations, ect. Expect to spend a lot.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 2:20 PM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • I agree that you have to remain calm and stick with only facts. Try not to speak based on just emotions.

    Sole custody by the way technically means that you are the only one who makes major life decisions for the child such as medical, educational, etc. It has nothing to do with who the child lives with. Joint custody does not mean that the child lives with both parents, it means that both parents have a say in the child's education/medical decisions. Visitation is completely different than custody. Just an FYI.

    As far as the mediator. They are merely there to try and help you work things out. They don't have the final say and if you can't come to an agreement then they will send you to a judge who will hear both sides and decide for you. Try to work it out before it gets to that point.

    Just remember - child support/visitation are 2 seperate things you you cannot by law keep your child from the father b/c he hasn't paid
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:56 PM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • my mom does mediation. the mediator will not take sides. the point is to try to get you to agree to something so that you dont have to have a judge decide. based on your description i dont think it sounds good. dont give in a let them have more then they deserve but dont be too rigid either because that will cost so much to go to court.... best of luck.
    AmaliaD

    Answer by AmaliaD at 3:23 PM on Feb. 17, 2010

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