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Any mom that has lost a child...

I lost my daughter to Trisomy 18 last monday. She was born at 23 weeks still born. She was beautiful and oh so tiny. She was only 19" 9.2oz. Now i am scared to death to try again when i am ready and able. I am so afraid this is going to happen again. They did an amnio test on me and it came back that it is NOT hereditary, so the chances of it happening again are the same chances of it happening in the frist place 1 in 100. But i am scared shitless! Has anyone been through something like this? what helped you move on? did you go on to have more children? how soon did you start trying?

I am sorry for your loss if you have lost a child. This is the hardest thing in my life i have ever gone through. I am lucky that i have a healthy living child, but it doesnt take my pain of waiting this baby girl away.


Asked by babymaddy at 2:59 PM on Feb. 17, 2010 in Health

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This question is closed.
Answers (3)
  • I am so very sorry you are going through the loss of a child. It is the hardest thing any parent can ever go through. If you ever need someone to speak to please feel free to message me. My first son was born at 32 weeks and passed away at 9 days old due to Necrotizing EnteroColitis (his intestines died). This Sunday will be 8 years since I lost him. I can tell you definately that as you go forward the pain will lessen a little at a time. Of course you will never forget but you will get past the point of feeling like your heart has been ripped apart. It will just take time. You have every right to be scared to try again, it's a normal feeling to have when you've lost a child. I got pregnant with my second child about 6 months after I lost my first. That pregnancies was one of the scariest things ever. I was afraid every single day until I delivered a healthy baby. (cont)

    Answer by momof2il at 3:19 PM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • (cont) The fear is something that will follow you through subsequent pregnancies but I found that staying busy helped some. I took up different hobbies such as knitting.. basically anything to occupy my mind. The fear was still there but it was lessened to a degree. I also joined a bunch of groups online for parents that have lost children. I have met some amazing people that way and built lifelong friendships. Without those groups of people I can't say that I would be in as good a place as I am now emotionally. The more I told my story the more I was able to control the pain and lessen the fear. Just remember, take it one day at a time. That's all you can do. And you will know when you feel emotionally strong enough to try again. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you through this. *Hugs*

    Answer by momof2il at 3:23 PM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • I think Momof2 said it as well as anyone can. May 17th my middle son would be 25 if he had lived. The pain never goes away, but it changes. Your feeling of loss won't feel so knife-like sharp as time goes by. Support groups work well for a lot of people. Unfortunately there were none nearby and the internet was not around back then. My last son was a surprise. I woke up with morning sickness a little over a year later. I did not enjoy it, I was on pins and needles the whole time. I refused to plan. I had myself convinced it was going to happen again. I spent every moment possible with my oldest. I was convinced he would be an only child. My 'baby' is a firefighter/EMT and turned 23 last September. Having him didn't 'replace' my lost son, but he sure went a long way in healing my heart. ((((you )))))) . I will get better, one day at a time.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 6:16 PM on Feb. 17, 2010