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Am I being too nice?

My husband and I are separated. He wasn't around for most of my pregnancy and was a jerk when our son was born. He said it's because my family has been mean or ignored him since we told them I was preg. I don't think they were, but perception is reality. He was also mad because he didn't like the name I picked for our son. The way I see it, he wasn't around for the preg. so why should he be able to pick the name? All this time I've tried to get him involved with everything, but he wouldn't. I've been nice to him when he was an ass, etc. Now he is starting to act better and he does want to see his son, but not at my parents house. I told him we could meet somewhere or I'd go to his house. We have been talking and getting along ok. I want to stay friends with him and my family is giving me a hard time about it. I think I need to be nice to him because he is the father of my son. (CONTINUED)

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:02 PM on Feb. 17, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • A husband is acting like this? Divorce that loser.
    SaraP1989

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 4:05 PM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • (CONTINUED FROM ABOVE) he and I get along better as friends than a married couple. I miss some of the things we used to do that no one else wants to do with me. We both love working on cars, going to junk yards, flea markets, etc.. Plus, there are some things I need him around to help me with sometimes. I am willing to help him in return when he needs it. My family thinks I'm crazy for having anything to do with him at all. I can't figure out exactly what they want me to do. Should I ignore him completely? Should I be an ass to him? Even with my family around I feel lonely. There isn't anyone I can really talk to about how I feel without them sticking their nose in the air at how I feel.
    FroggyFeet

    Answer by FroggyFeet at 4:07 PM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • Be the bigger person. You don't have to like him but be civil for your child's sake.
    LuvBug3

    Answer by LuvBug3 at 4:07 PM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • There's a difference between being nice and being cordial. Be cordial. Don't go overboard by organizing time and locations for him. He's gotta do the legwork too if he wants to see his son.

    This is what I mean, Mom's trying to excuse dad's when their kids know they're being ignored. I know DS is too young for this, but don't fall into this. Kids know when an adult makes promises they don't keep and you want your son to know what it means for someone to genuinely love them and want to be around them.
    Vero0724

    Answer by Vero0724 at 4:08 PM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • Do whatever is in the best interest to your son, he is the father so you will be tied to him for this main reason, and if you enjoy the same things and get along even more, your family can't change the fact he is family to your son and those ties will always be there. You are not being "too nice" you are being you, follow your heart and instinct.
    older

    Answer by older at 4:18 PM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • Here is my view point! The feelings you have for this man may change you might find your self falling in love again but like one of the other post has said let him fight for you and let him come after you .if you say you have alot that you like to do together theres a start. If he has changed and he wants you back and he has grown up alot and show you a great deal of respect then I would give him a chance.
    Please don't live your life pleaseing your family because in the long run your hurtting your self ,if you are not happy. Then you will pass that on to your son,
    If it is not him that you want in your life but in your son's life then ok. Dont let your family bad mouth his father under any condition.
    Men can change if they knew what they have lost, And they will go after what they want. Just make it on your terms.
    Don"t feel bad that he didn't name the baby. he left it up to you. Not your problem. GL
    aliciamedst

    Answer by aliciamedst at 4:51 PM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • There's a 99% chance were going to get divorced. There are things I don't think he's capable of changing. He needs to grow up. If having a newborn doesn't shock him into becoming more responsible, nothing can.

    Vero0728- I know what you mean. His own dad was one of those "absentee fathers." I hoped he'd remember how disappointing it was and not want his son to go through the same thing. I won't make excuses for him to be that way. There is no excuse! Actions speak louder than words DS will learn on his own who will be there for him.
    FroggyFeet

    Answer by FroggyFeet at 5:27 PM on Feb. 17, 2010

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