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should I be worried about my almost 4yr old who is not potty trained?

I have twin daughters that will be 4 in April. One child was completely potty trained in a matter of days when she was around 2 1/2. While I initiated it, she pretty much did it once and then decided on her own that that was what she was going to do. My other daughter pooped and peed on the little potty a few times early last summer or spring. And then she completely regressed. she wanted nothing to do with it. so we backed off. then when we tried to start training her again, she was fearful and wouldn't even sit on the little potty. we tried different potty seats. we tried rewards. recently we finally got her wearing underwear but she just holds it all day long. I worry about infection so at the end of the day we give her a pull up and she goes. she will sit on the big toilet when asked and she seems pretty comfortable on it, but still won't go! what should I do? getting so worried about this.

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Asked by nettie35 at 8:55 PM on Feb. 17, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (10)
  • Have you offered rewards for going on the potty? I know some people don't like to do that. But when I potty trained my two older children I used to give them 1 mini M&M every time they peed on the potty and 2 for a poop. They trained fast.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:21 PM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • Yes, we've tried rewarding with candy, stickers, toys, special outings, money...none of it has worked. she understands when she needs to go and can completely dress herself. she just has zero desire to use the toilet. even when she poops, it doesn't bother her one bit. I want to just get rid of pull ups completely, but again, she just keeps holding it and I'm afraid she'll get a bladder infection or something. I'm starting to wonder if I should talk to a doctor or some sort of behavioral specialist. But I don't want to make her feel bad about herself. I can't tell if it's a control issue or something more. :(

    Answer by nettie35 at 9:34 PM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • I try to tell myself that, but I'm beginning to think she very well may be the first child to go to school wearing diapers! ugh. but if I stop worrying about it, am I just enabling her. I don't give her sister positive attention for using the potty, she's been doing it so long that it's not even mentioned anymore. do you think it's a bad idea to let her wear underwear and hold it all day? maybe I should just put her back in diapers 24/7. I just don't know anymore.

    Answer by nettie35 at 9:45 PM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • I as a mother of a 3 yr old little boy who is still not potty trained would definatly put her back in diapers because if shes holding it that is really bad for her bladder like you said she might end up with an infection. I know you might feel like its a set back to do that but untill you can get her going on her own this might be the only way. My son just turned three and he goes to the potty when he wants to basically on his terms, he knows how to take his diaper off and sit on his potty and I have even recently found him standing up going pee like daddy lol! But our problem is getting him to be consistant, hes like your daughter and doesnt mind sitting in poop and pee in his diaper and wont even tell me so Im constantly checking him because thats nasty lol and everytime he goes poop I just tell him firmly that he needs to let me know or else his bottom is going to get a booboo like a rash. He understands hes just hard heade

    Answer by LANDENSMOMMYlmk at 5:48 AM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • cont.... but every once in a while I push him a little to go potty to see if hes ready and I think that times coming around the corner expecially with our little girl about to be here. Just hand in there, I wouldnt take her to the doctor or anything cause my mom always did that to me when I was little cause she always thought there was something wrong with us like we had a.d.d or what ever else she would come up with, it makes your child very uncomfortable when there being talked to by a total stranger. So I would just wait it out a little longer and see how it all goes. GL

    Answer by LANDENSMOMMYlmk at 5:52 AM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • i dont know my child was potty train by 2

    Answer by piwife at 1:15 PM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • Since you're concerned, talk to your doctor about it. he/she may have some ideas on what to do.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:20 PM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • When sitting her on the toilet have you poured warm water over her bottom? This trick worked wonders with a child in my preschool class! She quickly "got it" and after a few times was peeing in the pot not her clothes or a diaper. HOw about the pee pee dance? You tell her that when she goes pee on the pot like a big girl, she gets to see you do the pee pee dance. You make up something silly, and kids eat it up. Has she got big girl panties or the gerber ones that are thick in the middle? Have you tried to let her pick out her own panties? Involve her as much as possible in this whole indever. Dont dwell on the "opps". Are you taking her on the hour to pee? Is she consistent when she goes normaly (in her diaper)? Are you initiating the potty times, or is she?

    Answer by becca2715 at 10:29 PM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • You know around age 4 is usually the time kids start pre-school and I think they tend to frown upon diapers in pre-school and kindergarten. Good luck.

    Answer by Starfire73 at 11:48 PM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • I thought our daughter, Sarah, would go to college in diapers. Then one day when she was 4 months shy of being 4, she decided she wanted to be potty trained. Got up from playing and told us "I am going to the potty." We were shocked and she hasn't had an accident since.

    Now her sister wants to be potty trained and we can't get her potty trained. Quick note all my kids are 18 months apart and there is always one who still wants to be the baby in diaper; that is why Sarah wouldn't potty train because Emma was the baby in diapers, now Emma doesn't want to potty train because Cooper is the baby in diapers.

    We have learned from our doc that you can cause psychological issues if you push the potty training. I know some think us lazy, but if my kids want to wait until they are almost 4, that is fine with me. They do it when they are ready.

    Answer by blythe99rmwc at 8:12 AM on Feb. 20, 2010

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