Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Is it wrong to want to adopt a child that looks similiar to you (or your husband/significant other)?

We have been trying to conceive a child for over 3 years but have had a hard time due to a few medical issues i have (PCOS and hypothyroidism, both of which have a chance to be passed on to any children i have). We have talked about adopting off and on, my husband asked which countries had simliar ethnic backgrounds to ours, because he wants to adopt a child that looks like it could be our birth child, i don't know if he wants to avoid nosy questions or what, but my question is it wrong to want to adopt a child that looks similiar to you or your DH/SO

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:58 AM on Feb. 18, 2010 in Adoption

Answers (27)
  • No, nothing wrong with that.

    Answer by Skepticchick at 12:59 AM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • While it wouldn't be something that was on the top of my importance list when going through the adoption process I don't really see anything wrong with it I guess.

    I think once you see the baby it won't matter.

    I saw an "Adoption Story" one time when an adoptive mother was commiting on how everyone else's babies in the group that went to Russia with them were cuter. She was mad that her baby was pale and didn't have blond hair.

    I thought it was really sad. I think if your heart is in adoption for the right reason it won't matter what your baby looks like.


    Answer by Anonymous at 1:05 AM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • not at all,i think its best to get the child to look like you,i think its important to think of the child and what they have already been thru as in rejection and not being wanted not fitting in,if you go and you pick a hispanic child but your white and so is your husband lets say,its gonna be so obvious to the rest of the darn world that you adopted,i find that unfair to that child,they need to get adopeted and fit right in. not be gain an outcast.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:14 AM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • anon really dont know anything about adoption, do you?

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:11 AM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • No, there is nothing wrong with wanting your child to "blend" and not have to answer questions constantly, however it sounds like your husband  may not have fully come to terms with your fertility problems. Which means that it might not be the right time to adopt until you explore this further.Just a thought sorry if it is not the case. Good luck with whatever God has in store for you.


    Answer by Luuckymommy at 7:00 AM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • No, as a matter of fact, the organization that I went through for my adoption made very sure that the adopting family at least resembled the birthmother a little.

    Answer by TinaN64 at 7:13 AM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • This used to be the norm for adoption. It wasn't until the late 1980's when inter-racial adoption became accepted. In fact, my adopted sister looks more like my parents than I do. Everyone always thought I was the adopted one.

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 7:36 AM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • Anon 1:14-
    There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a child that looks nothing like your family. It is responses like those that make adoption seem "less than".. I can promise you that a child that is living in an orphanage in a Third World country does not care if they look like someone else- they just want a family to love them. Adoption should never be a big secret...
    My dd is adopted from China and looks nothing like us, but she is very much loved.

    OP- No, it is not wrong... however, I will caution you that IA is not for the faint of heart. You have to be prepared for the unexpected... countries can close their program with no warning...and you may not be matched with a child that looks like your family.. You also need to research all the programs available to see which one might fit your family.
    If you have any questions about IA- let me know.. I've been through the process for China.

    Answer by mcginnisc at 8:01 AM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • I don't believe it's wrong. think how much more that child would feel like he/she belonged with your family, and that's something that children feel like they belong with you.

    Answer by sandypops at 8:44 AM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • I dont find it wrong but I think if you really really wanted a baby to love it shouldnt matter what they look like.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:05 AM on Feb. 18, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.