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What would you recommend? Foster to adopt or adoption.

My husband and I have decided to adopt from foster care. Waiting on our first GPS class and we haven't decided 100 % on fostering or adoption. I'd personally like a younger child and I've heard you only get that when you foster but we lost our son last year and don't want to get attached and lose the child. My social worker is goign to answer all of our questions on Monday of next week, but I thought I'd get some advice first so I knew what questions to ask. Also, if you adopted from foster care, from start to finish how long did it take? Does anyone have any advice for me starting out like anything in specific to ask or request? Thanks so much in advance.

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PeytonsMom21109

Asked by PeytonsMom21109 at 12:28 PM on Feb. 18, 2010 in Adoption

Level 4 (28 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • as a foster child I say go for older children...they need love just like younger children do. except they get the short end of the deal because they are not tiny cute cuddly and moldable. That is just my opinion. Children of any age can bring joy to your life. If you dont want to chance losing a child again I say just go for adoption.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:30 PM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • We decided to get a dual license for foster and adoption. At that time we were looking for children younger than our only child, who was 4 years old. We ended up with 4 newborns and adopted the 4th one. From the time she was placed with us at 2 days old, it was 15 months before the we could adopt.

    I definitely recommend fostering to adopt. As long as you are in the mindset that you are helping the children who walk through your door and into your heart, it makes them leaving a bit easier. Many prayers for your and your husband!!! :-) I wish more families would consider it!
    mommytoadam

    Answer by mommytoadam at 5:38 PM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • We are doing a fost/adopt right now. We went with a private agency that specializes in fost/adopt and they only place children with you when they are 99.9% sure the child will not be reunified with the parents. For example, we ended up with a "safe surrender" baby (where mom leaves the baby at the hospital, tells them she can't keep it). Instead of putting the baby in a foster home, they put her with us (as a foster child), knowing we would adopt her so that she didn't have a foster home then an adoptive home.
    There are lots of cases where they know pretty early on that they won't be going back (mom has already lost custody of previous kids and is still on drugs etc.) Yes, a lot of them will be adopted by their original foster families but not all do.
    maggiemom2000

    Answer by maggiemom2000 at 7:35 PM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • Foster to adopt. I've been a foster parent for 8 years and there are some kids that upon first meeting them you think they are soooo sweet when in fact they are just the opposite. You will not fall in love with every child that comes into your home and are glad to see them go home. Yes there are heartaches but there's also the joys of being a foster parent. With foster to adopt you have more time to bond and see if it is really a good fit for you and them. I had one boy that living on our farm was pure torture. He absolutely hated it and wanted back in town. Luckily he went home about 4 weeks after having him.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 12:11 PM on Feb. 19, 2010

  • We did foster/adopt. Initially, we had the same feeelings as you. (Don't want to get hurt when they leave...) but we came to learn in our training that the NEED for GOOD foster parents was so great, that we chose to foster/adopt, so that we would at least be "helping" children, while waiting for our child-to-be to become available for adoption. It didn't make sense to "twiddle our thumbs" waiting, when we could make a "temporary" home for a child whom MIGHT be with us permanently. I also didn't like the idea that a child would have spent 12-18 + months bonding to another family & then trying to "blend" them into ours. We decided to "cut out the middle man" & foster ourselves. We did adopt our first child (2nd infant placement) last year. We were happy with the path that we chose, although it was scary at first, and we weren't sure that we could do it.

    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 4:31 PM on Feb. 19, 2010

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