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im just so frustrated!

I just had a baby almost two weeks ago. I live with my boyfriend and father of my son. We have been together for almost a year and a half now and things have been wonderful especially since our new son has been born. Brendon (boyfriend) gets to go out all the time, full time in school and full time at work. I am home with our new son of course but considering im a new mother this is all new to me and i am quite exaughsted. Brendon has been complaining that he doesnt feel like i love him as much as i use to... but im trying to explain that im just very tired from taking care of the baby all day and night and im not use to it. I love this man to death but with how exaughsted I am I have been acting a little different, who wouldnt? what can i do, I need to let him know i still love him more than anything but he doesnt understand why being tired would make me act different... ughhhhh

 
momamay2010

Asked by momamay2010 at 4:12 PM on Feb. 18, 2010 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 4 (38 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • It's been 20 years since I had my last kid and 27 years since I had my first. I remember feeling just like you do now. I don't think men, and especially younger ones, understand just how exhausting it is taking care of a newborn. This really is very common in relationships when a new baby enters it. Remember that it is very important for you both to communicate - talk to each other about things that bother you or whatever is on your mind. Tell him you love him very much but the baby takes a lot of time from you right now and you are not getting rest, all mom's go through this. Reassure him that things will get back into a routine in a few months. This first year will have lots of changes for your family but it's all very normal and you just have to be patient with each other and work through it. Being a new mom is very overwhelming but you can do it. First time dad's tend to get jealous of the attention a new (cont)
    TarLion

    Answer by TarLion at 4:17 PM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • tell him to grow up!~ and stop being so freaking whinny is he a man or a baby!! what happen to some men now days is like the drop their balls once the baby is born!!
    piwife

    Answer by piwife at 4:15 PM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • You need to sit down and tell him that if he wants to feel the love, then he needs to show the love. Meaning he needs to help you out. You're spending all your energies on the new baby so of course you're not going to have time and energy for him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:18 PM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • mom gives to her baby. Yes I think it's ridiculous, but it's common for men to feel that way. Tell him that just because the baby takes more of your time and attention, it does not mean you love him any less.
    TarLion

    Answer by TarLion at 4:18 PM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • Is there ever a day he has off from work and school? If so, have him help you all day. He might have to see and do what you do to get the picture.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 4:19 PM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • Well when each baby comes along, we have to be all about the baby, because they can't take care of themselves. But try to make the effort to cuddle, or to just do simple sweet things for him. Even if it's just once a day. As time goes by, it'll be easier, you'll get a bit more sleep, and hopefully pick up somethings that you used to be able to do with him. Could you ask a family member you trust to take care of the kids, even if it's for a few hours and just go out and have dinner, or ice cream or something?
    Me and my husband go through the same thing with each child, and it takes a bit to get over the change of having another baby on board, but it does go back to normal!!!! :) xoxo
    sandypops

    Answer by sandypops at 4:20 PM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • sigh I'm not in a real good mood right now not at all you, my husband. Tell him that he either shares all childcare duties with you or out. Close to those words. If you don't put yourself in a very high left of partnership now when baby is tiny it will get worse as time goes on.

    You do have a full time job, in fact from what you're saying you're like most other full time homemakers incl. me. You're on duty 24 hours 7 days a week and no time off.

    Your bfr is no better of a worker than you, you both work different jobs. Both of you must have breaks from your jobs to do your jobs better. Your job is 7am to 6pm including readying for him to leave and until he gets home.

    You work hard during the day recovering physically from an x pound human inside your abdomen moving about for 9 months, leaving your body and now caring for it.

    He needs to care about your health and when you rest. Caring is sharing life.
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 4:22 PM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • My oldest is almost 26 years old then 22 years old and youngest is 17 years old. If I'd set my needs and kids needs above his hobbies, our marriage would have been better. Don't expect a talk to be accepted and honored.

    I'm married almost 30 years. He's made clear to you early on that he has things to do outside of childcare and partnership. Firmly saying, through a counsellor is better to make it clear you're understood, that he needs to step up to the plate and take care of what he made can be done without your guilt. Why, because you're his equal, you're not less.

    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 4:27 PM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • you guys are the best, thank you for your time. i really was starting to feel like it was me. now i dont. thanks again
    momamay2010

    Answer by momamay2010 at 4:48 PM on Feb. 18, 2010

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