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How do you talk to your 7 year old about their absent father?

He left when he was a baby, drug addiction, parental rights terminated when he was 4. Need ideas. Please don't judge, this is a very sensitive topic.

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:58 PM on Feb. 18, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (6)
  • It is important to tell your son the truth and not hide anything from him. Answer his questions as honestly and non-judgementally as you can. Answer in a way that is appropriate for his current age, and you will give more details/information as he gets older. At this age you might explain that daddy had an illness that made it so that he could not stop using drugs etc.
    He needs to know his history. There is a good chance that he is going to be prone to drug addiction and he needs to know this. My sister was in a similar situation with my niece. She was always honest with her. My niece made a choice never to use drugs or even drink due to her family history (she is now 22, graduated form college etc.)

    Answer by maggiemom2000 at 8:07 PM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • My daughter found a picture of my ex holding her and she asked who it was...I simply told her the truth. I told her that it was her father and he moved out of state...that was the end of the conversation. He moved out of state when my daughter was 6 months old and I was 3 months pregnant. The last time he seen them my daughter was 16 months old and my son was 7 months old. She is only 4 but she does realize how much of a loser he is (not by me telling her fact we dont talk about him).

    Answer by alaskansglmom at 8:07 PM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • My mom told us until we were teens (had the same issue you have) that are father had a disease that he couldn't be a good father so it was better that he wasn't with us. Addictions are considered diseases and if you want to discuss that further with him when he is a little older and can understand it better then more power to you. But I learned early on that that disease made him a bad choice for our houesehold. My mom loved us and that was all we needed.

    Answer by coala at 8:09 PM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • That's a very hard age, isn't it? I told my son that his father had some problems and didn't want to married to me anymore. I told him that he loves him, but he can't be with us. My son is 19 now, we contacted his father when he was 16 (we hadn't heard from him at all since ds was 2 1/2) and he denied being my ex-. Apparently his current wife had no idea he had a previous family and I didn't want to start anything for her sake. I told my son we could go to the house (we were visiting that city, looking at colleges), but ds decided not to. I haven't heard another word about my ex- since that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:18 PM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • definately tell him the truth. these others have great experiences and advice.

    Answer by aly38914290 at 9:14 PM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • my little cousin was older then 7 but started asking questions to me about his father so i had to tell my aunt to tell him to truth. u don;t want it to come to one day on thanksgiving day that he asks some other family member. tell him the truth like the other posters said. he had to go away because he was sick and he couldn;t get better with the family. and then when he is older he will know a little more. kids catch on to things so quickly. i remember my little cousin askin why he was so tall when his dad(step dad) was not. i myself am tall so i just said u get it from the family genes. good luck.

    Answer by lambdarose at 10:46 PM on Feb. 20, 2010

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