Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Would this hurt your feelings?

I am 24 weeks pregnant. My husband and I were talking the other night and he said, he knew this pregnancy must be meant to be, because he and his ex-wife tried to get pregnant, but it never happened, but with me and him, we were pregnant within 3 months. We didn't actually try, it just happened. He actually thought he couldn't have kids, due to an accident a few years ago. Anyway, I got to thinking about what he said, and with me, (before we got pregnant) he said he wanted to wait at least 5 years before even trying, but with his ex-wife (who he was with for about a year) he tried to have children with almost immediately. This upset me a little and he didn't seem to understand why. I'm not like freaking out about it. Just A LITTLE hurt. So I don't need to be put down or called insecure. Anyway, would you be kinda hurt by this or am I just being crazy???

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:00 PM on Feb. 18, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Your just hormonal. Im sure he meant it in a VERY loving way.

    You cant rely on your knee jerk reaction when your pregnant... your hormones are just too wild.


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:08 PM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • I am so bummed right now. I just wrote you a nice longish answer and my idiotic self just deleted it! Grr!

    Answer by JessicaB86 at 11:09 PM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • I would try not to be offended by it. keep in mind that your emotions are right on the surface right now. Usually when people get married the first time they have known each other a long time before deciding to get married and when they do decide to marry they are thinking it is forever and they want a family. When you have gone through a divorce you just get a little wary about bringing anymore new lives into the picture because you have the mental thought somewhere waaaaaaaaay deep down of what if this doesn't work out either or your dreams kinda died with your first marriage and dont seem as important. Just try to concentrate on being happy about the baby together and being and staying happy together. Its good that you talked to him and let him know how you felt even if he doesn't understand

    Answer by tab1023 at 11:11 PM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • I think he was in a diffrent time in his life, she was a diffrent person and it was a diffrent realationship. So I would not compare that experience with mine. I have found the man of my dreams and I really did not plan on having anymore kids but because he wants one more I will consider it, it doesn't mean I love him any less. I just really did not want anymore kids.

    Answer by my2kids312 at 11:13 PM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • You are overreacting

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:19 PM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • I would say that maybe because the first marriage didn't last, he may have wanted to wait longer and feel more secure in this marriage before trying to have children. Clearly he loves you and is happy about your baby. I'd relax and enjoy your husband and the new baby that you're carrying. Let this be a special thing.....and it's something he apparently couldn't do with her, so I'd say he's right. This baby was meant to be.....and he wasn't meant to have a child with her.

    Congratulations, relax and be happy.

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:43 PM on Feb. 18, 2010

  • I agree w/ a pp - he may have been hurt by his previous marriage and really wanted to make sure that this one would last before bringing children into the mix. OR, he may have been privately really concerned that he actually couldn't have kids, and didn't want to disappoint you so early on in the relationship. Or he could have had other reasons. Either way, I think you do have the right to ask him his reasoning - its an important thing for you to know, and something he ought to feel secure enough to share w/ you.

    Answer by Iskkra at 12:12 AM on Feb. 19, 2010

  • Well, i'm not really sure I understand why you're hurt.... I'm pretty sure it doesn't have to do with you personally. Like the PPs have said, he's at a totally different place in his life, more serious about life and maybe he wanted to have time to be with you alone for a few years. I would say that's very responsible, and even a compliment to you! It sounds like he was young and foolish with his first wife, but with you he wanted to solidify your marriage first. Good man!

    Answer by Adelicious at 12:35 AM on Feb. 19, 2010

  • your being crazy ... i just think like you said he thought it was because he thought he couldnt have kids and he probably didnt want to get disappointed and fail if he tryed having a baby with you... plus i bet it had been stressful all that time he spend that other women trying to have a kid and didn't want to have another relationship and make it all about getting you prego.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:50 AM on Feb. 19, 2010

  • Yup you're bein crazy pregnant lady :) Relax. And don't think so much about everything. Of course that is easy for me to say now that I am not pregnant. But take it from's just hormones!

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 7:40 AM on Feb. 19, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.