Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Help/advice from parents with kids with ASD.

We are re-writing the assistance plan for a child with ASD. His Mom does not want his work modified however, frustration is his main issue. When nudged to work on grade level he becomes agitated and loses it to the point where he needs to be removed from the classroom and misses instruction. Work sent home to be completed is not returned. How/what can I say to this Mother without being offensive that we feel at this point getting the behaviors under control trumps grade level work. Is there a happy medium? What would you want your school to do for your child? The child is in 3rd grade and tests at 1st grade, I think mainly because he misses so much class time and work sent home is not addressed. Your input would be helpful.


Asked by soyousay at 11:05 AM on Feb. 19, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 26 (27,669 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Maybe take a note from Temple Grandin - Explain to mom that her son is "different, not less", and that by giving him modified work you are helping him to work to the best of his abilities, not teaching down to him b/c he isn't as good as the other children. Some parents just have a really hard time grasping this concept and will try to force their child to be taught like everybody else b/c their child is just as bright, just as capable, blah, blah, blah....They forget that just because you do something differently doesn't mean you are doing less than everybody else. Mom also needs to learn to differentiate b/t "wants" & "needs" - she may want her child to do what everybody else is doing, but he needs to do it more slowly or w/adaptations, and there is nothing wrong with adapting the program to fit his needs. He can do the work, but just in his own way.

    I am the parent of a 15 y/o w/autism so I can relate to how she feels.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:36 AM on Feb. 19, 2010

  • It's also possible that the child is not performing what he is learning. I don;t know why the homework isn't done, maybe she doesn't believe he can improve? you really need to talk to her about it though. I have to say that you are different from the teachers around here, lol, most of them never tell me what kiind ofbehaviours my son has, since most of them are normal for austistic children.

    Answer by TempestRayne at 11:35 AM on Feb. 19, 2010

  • It sounds to me that there is going to come a time in the future, that for the best interest of the child, you all are going to have to bring in other resources to help deal with this mother if she is not wanting to work with you for what is best for her son's future and not what she wants him to be at.

    Is your class a class specifically for special needs or is it a mainstreamed class? It may be this child may need more extensive services than what he is getting right now. I don't know without seeing the whole picture.

    My ds is ASD and I am trying to see it from both sides. However, I could never see not working with my ds at home on papers sent from school nor wanting to work with the school if it were something that could only benefit him.

    As for your original question of what to say to that mother. I honestly don't know. Good luck.

    Answer by Melindakc at 11:39 AM on Feb. 19, 2010

  • I have to say that you are different from the teachers around here, lol, most of them never tell me what kiind ofbehaviours my son has, since most of them are normal for austistic children.

    I do not send notes home about behaviors on a daily basis on anything like that, it is just that his behavior interrupts his learning as it is outlined in his IEP which says no modification. What I am trying to do is balance education with behavior. I am trying to figure out where that line is, how to approach it and how to make sure he is successful.

    Answer by soyousay at 11:43 AM on Feb. 19, 2010

  • This is a mainstream class and he has little support at the request of the Mother. She does not want him to be a social outcast (her words) by having an adult with him at all times. I do not see the kids with a one on one being a social outcast as we have a number of them in our school-but that is just me as an educator, not a parent. This is one of the more difficult situations I have been in- most parents welcome the extra attention early on so their children can work towards independence by middle school. Basically, all the IEP does is eliminate the "threat" of suspension for behaviors, add some extra time for standardized testing and have him in some pull out groups for enrichment and remediation. These groups include children with and without ASD. Honestly, he is not making progress in my class and as an educator- I feel horrible about it and want to remedy this- I do not want to fail this child,

    Answer by soyousay at 11:48 AM on Feb. 19, 2010

  • By fail, I do not mean grades, I mean fail to help him progress.

    Answer by soyousay at 11:49 AM on Feb. 19, 2010

  • tell her you need to work "on his level" to make him closer to grade level... tell her you are focusing on skills that will make him more successful (those stills are first grade level .. but he NEEDS them in order to do the 3rd grade work) .. i am a teacher too and it is sooo sad when a parent's pride gets in the way of helping their child!

    Answer by AmaliaD at 12:24 PM on Feb. 19, 2010

  • First off- CHEERS to you for being a kind and caring teacher- and wanting to find ways to help this child!!! It is a shame that the mom is not making sure her child has his homework done, and allowing an aid and modify his work. No wonder the little guy gets frustrated and has meltdowns.
    My son is 13, in middle school and in all mainstream classes. For his IEP he has teacher support, they are allowed to break his work down and he is allowed extra time to complete assignments, for testing they can break it down and he can have extra time. So far he has done very well on his own, and has not needed to use the IEP modifications--- but it is nice to have them in place, just in case.

    Answer by MizLee at 2:10 PM on Feb. 19, 2010