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How should I punish my five yr old for being mean to my 2 yr old?

My middle daughter has been jealous of the youngest since I got pregnant. She's been mean to her since she was infant. She loves her, I know, cuz she does show it to her. But she picks on her, she makes her scream and cry by hurting her when shes mad at her or taking her toys away. It makes me so mad at her when shes mean to my 2 year old though I just feel like spanking her. but I don't want to spank.. what should I do? what COULD I do to make her stop doing these things? time out doesn't work.


Asked by Anonymous at 3:17 AM on Feb. 20, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (14)
  • no, she doesn't get up.. she sits. she just doesn't learn anything from it..

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:05 AM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • Time out will work if you are on top of it every time she hits or hurts she is in time out and if she gets up put her back, Time out works you just to stay with it and if you are sitting in time out with her so she gets it then so be it she will learn her lesson that hit her sister is not ok......................

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:56 AM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • time outs. and better communication. she needs to REALLY understand why shes in time out & has to apologize to her sister before getting out. my 4yo is the same. its just in the nature of childhood to act like that to a younger sibling. it's inevitable. you just have to continue your punishment consistently. it won't completely stop, but it should get better.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:08 AM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • she's not going to tell you she learned anything, she's five. She is barely capable of controlling her bladder let alone her anger. I know it is frustrating and makes you angry. Move her away and say "we don't hit" then find a new activity for her. Just keep saying it in a low firm voice "we don't hit" . She will eventually get it. I promise one day you will look back and be stunned at how little she was, and how much you expected of her. Also saying she has been jealous since day one re-enforces the badness, but if you think about it, she wasn't much older than the two year old is now, when you brought a new baby home and expected her to share. She isn't an adult, so don't expect her to be reasonable like an adult.

    Answer by myheartx4 at 4:11 AM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • When we do time outs for our 5 yr old, he has to stand in the middle of the room with his hands to his sides and not move or make any noise. Usually it's one minute for each year old, so for him it's five minutes. His problem is that he can barely be quiet for more then about 15 seconds, so we start the time over. By the time he's done, which ends up being about 7-10 min total, he's allowed to go back to playing if/when he can tell us why he got put into time out. The younger one, who is 4, will tell you right away, but the older one, the 5 yr old, will mumble and won't look at you. We threaten with another five minutes if he can't say it right, this will get you his evil eye glare. He thinks he looks scary, lol but will say it clearly anyway.
    They are usually pretty well matched, so they are normally in time out together.

    Answer by daisy521 at 4:19 AM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • daisy521, if you know he can't do the 5mins (cause you say he can't manage more than 15secs) then aren't you setting him up to fail? This is where I don't agree with the touchy feely parenting trend we have now. Tell him it's wrong, then move on, he's 5 for god sake not an adult. - after 5 mins of stewing and stressing about how to keep quiet I'm not surprised if he can't articulate why he's been standing there. Parenting gone crazy!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:44 AM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • My 6 yr old used to pick on my 2 yr old often. My 6 yr old has to go to the corner each and every time she misbehaves. Consistency is very important. Whatever punishment you choose to use with your child has to be something you can stick with and do every time. Her picking on her little sister was a battle for a while, but after several visits to the corner, she has been a lot nicer.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:57 AM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • Spend time with each of them seperately if you can, as for punishment, talk to her and make sure she knows its naughty, have her help you with the younger one, ask her if she would help you bath the younger one, and help her at feeding times etc.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:30 AM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • If you don't want to spank, then good luck. Nothing else is going to work.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:54 AM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • Talk to her tell her how not being nice to her little is not right. And if she doesn't start being nicer to her that she won't be able to play or spend time with her sister any more until she learns to be nicer to her. And mean what tyou say .Don't say it just to say it or she won't respect you. good luck.;)

    Answer by incarnita at 8:36 AM on Feb. 20, 2010