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How do I explain this w/o hurting his feelings?

My SO is leaving today for work, he will be gone 2-3 weeks. I lit candles and stuff last night, hoping our last night together would be special. He came in, got in bed, and rolled over away from me. Wouldn't even hold me to sleep or anything. I feel so hurt by this, and I don't want to hurt his feelings because I don't think he intended to hurt me. So, how do I tell him how I feel?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:40 AM on Feb. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Don't tell him. Some guys aren't interested in "girlie" stuff. Send him off with a hug and smile and swallow your hurt. I understand how you feel and feel sorry for you. You wanted him to share your last evening together with reassuring hugs. Just appreciate that he is a man, and it sounds as though he is already focused on the job.

    Answer by Bmat at 9:42 AM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • OP here...appreciate the answer, but unfortunately that's not an option. He will not let it go. He always knows when something is bothering me, and he'll keep at me until I tell him. :(

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:44 AM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • Just tell him. Especically if he is leaving today, you don't want him to leave worrying about you. My husband is the same way. He might not know what is bothering, but he knows when something is worng and will continue asking until I tell him. Did you ask him to cuddle or make love to you? Although he can sometimes he a mind reader, he isn't always going to be. It is important that if you want something, you ask for it. Perhaps you could suggest you guys have a special night when he gets back to cuddle or be intimate.

    Answer by Crystal1124 at 9:48 AM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • Tell him what you wrote here. It was not offensive or mean. So many problems linger in a relationship because the woman lets it go due to the theory of "he's a man and doesn't understand women's wants or needs." I think the things you did were very clear that you wanted to spend your last night together for two or three weeks in a special way. He is obviously not dumb if he is asking what is wrong. He has noticed you're upset. My DH did something similar once and we only spent one night apart. He decided to hang out with his buddies and miss supper and our kids went to bed without him there to give a kiss like he usually does. I told him what he did wrong and he blew it off. The next day and night went by without us there and he is calling and texting me early in the morning, then coming out to meet us when we got back telling us how much he missed us and it was not fun to be without us. Yours will probably do that.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 9:54 AM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • Just tell him you were disappointed that you didn't get to share the distraction of the last night at home with him. Men do get distracted with stuff like that. His mind was elsewhere planning for the trip and hoping he didn't forget anything he needed to take. Men are planners and logical thinkers while women are more emotional. Just be honest.

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:56 AM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • i would say something. why are you so worried about his feelings when he is the one who hurts yours? tell him it hurts your feelings that he didnt want to lay with you... and especially bc he is going away and youre going to miss him so much. dont put him down... just say you want him bc you miss him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:58 AM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • If he asks, just tell him the truth, that you were aleady missing him before he left and wanted to spend some time just together whether it was intimate or not. What I'd have done is to nuzzle up to his back and if nothing else, I'd feel closer to him.
    Maybe he had things on his mind. When I'm headed out of town or know I have something to do the next day, I lay there in bed going over all of the stuff I was hoping to have done before the event and trying to figure out if I did everything I needed to do and if I might've not done something right. I'm a little bit weird that way. When I leave the house I'm afraid I left something plugged in, did I check all of the faucets, any chance I left a burner on (mine's electric so can't see the flames and they don't turn red) etc.
    Either way... gently just tell him how you feel without laying a guilt trip on him. they don't realize we sometimes just need to be held.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 10:00 AM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • tell him you were sad that your last night together wasn't special. I'm sure he'll say he's sorry and didn't mean to hurt you.

    Answer by lowencope at 11:10 AM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • Thanks, ladies. I took your advice, and told him that I was just feeling sad that we weren't closer on our last night together for a while. He then told me he had an earache last night (would have been nice to tell me last night! lol). We talked it over and things are ok now. He actually might end up not leaving until tomorrow, so it might not be so bad after all.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:11 PM on Feb. 20, 2010

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