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How do you cope?

Am I the only one that hurts when my 32 year old daughter is hurting? Is this a common occurence among parents of grown children, or do most of you just do not get involved in your grown kids lives?
I find myself at a loss to help, except for prayer there is nothing I can do to make her desire of a child to come true and she feels her biological clock is ticking.


Asked by older at 10:21 AM on Feb. 20, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 69 (2,285,492 Credits)
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Answers (10)
  • listen mom, loving and hurting like you do for your dauaghter is a great thing for me to hear, because it shows me that you do care for your daughter and you do want to be there for her. And theres nothing wrong with that. Just being there when she needs you is a wonderful thing. ;)

    Answer by incarnita at 9:30 AM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • My Mom was the same way. It was like she could feel my pain and it hurt her so much. I lost her almost 10 yrs ago to cancer and wish she was here for me now all the time. Be there for your daughter, let her know you will always be there to listen. Sometimes just listening is what's needed most.

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 10:31 AM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • MrsLeftlane, sorry to hear you lost your mom, but consider yourself lucky for having had a good one. I am always there for all three of my grown kids, but my eldes daughter is the one going through this now, she is a lesbian in a loving relationship and has been trying to do artificial insemination to no avail.

    I am lucky to still have my mom she is 90 going to be 91 in May, I take care of her, just like she took care of me, she is my right hand and part of my left, I know she won't be here forever so I make the most of everyday, I am lucky too!

    Answer by older at 10:45 AM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • From what I understand from "older" moms (than me!!) don't stop caring /hurting for them, no matter how old they get. My son is 19 now. He had to go to court yesterday for speeding tickets. I took time off from work to go, because I wanted to support him, no matter what happened. I got sick with a stomach virus overnight and just could NOT go. I felt worse because of that then from being sick.

    Answer by kjrn79 at 11:01 AM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • For some women it’s just not in the cards for children, either accept it and move on or one option is adoption. Try not to bring the subject up because at times it can consume a their lives as though there is nothing else in life but that.  If it meant to be it will happen.  GL


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:47 AM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • anon, adoption is not an option, legal adoption by a gay couple is not legal yet! Not in Fla anyway.
    You are right if it is meant to happen it will, I beleive this too, but darn it the waiting is a killer!

    Answer by older at 11:56 AM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • I agree with the others that feeling their pain is all part of loving them. I try to remember it is THEIR pain... just being there, hearing their thoughts and positive stroking is sometimes all I can do. Then again, maybe that's enough. Isn't feeling your children's pain and being helpless much worse than experiencing it yourself?

    Answer by mray27 at 9:17 AM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • mray, yes, it is much worse than exerience it myself, I can cope with my pain much better than she can cope with hers, or so I think. Thanks for your words.

    Answer by older at 10:44 AM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • You cope by letting them grow. This helps her grow as a person. Life as a plan for her. I don't know what it is but she has to embrace the adventure life has for her. She has to find her fate with or without a child but she can't bog down worrying and grieving over her clock. She'll miss so much of living if she continues to worry. My niece tried for years and finally had a child at almost 40. So tell her to enjoy each day as it comes.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:09 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • AWE!!! you ladies sound like amazing moms!!! I am only 19 about to be 20 and i got pregnant at16. The only thing i wanted was my mom to be there for me and support me emotionly. She is my best friend. When i cried she'd be right next to me wipping away her tears. I moved out, just down the street when i was 17, 6 mo pregnant and i cried my eyes out because i'd miss her. I moved in with my soon to be husband which i got married a month after my son was born and she signed the papers. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have to call her everyday and see her a few times a week or i'll get home sick!! I think its amazing that you can feel your daughters pain. That just means you have a great bond, that no one else has the ability to break or damage!!! I wish your daughter the best of luck and hope they conceive soon :) You all are very loving and caring women and i look up to you all :)

    Answer by shorty_18 at 1:27 PM on Feb. 28, 2010