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How do you drive pornography out of a marriage?

I caught my husband with his laptop in the bathroom at 11:00 a.m. (yes a.m.) on my birthday this last December. He used the small bathroom in the living room and I caught him by accident (was putting a trash can back in there) and didn't notice the light on at the bottom of the door and he left the door unlocked. He promised it would stop and he would do it no more.

Last month I asked to hold his lap top for two weeks in order to help him deal with his addiction. He freaked out and took them, snapped them in half and through them into the driveway. I went out to get them and he gets them back, unscrews the hard drive and burns them in a 55 gallon metal drum we have in the back for burning cardboard and such.

He acts like everything is back to normal. But this is the second time I have caught him. Last time was 4 years ago. I'm not stupid, he's getting better at hiding it. How do I drive out the porn?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:56 AM on Feb. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • Join him, go find some porn sites of your own (eve if it is not your cup of tea), and make sure he knows give him a taste of his own medicine. See how well he does when the shoe is the other foot.

    Answer by older at 11:00 AM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • You can't. Porn is like any other addiction. HE has to want to change. Then he needs to seek the help. I agree keeping the laptop and computers places it isn't easily accessible will help. But just like a drunk, you pouring alcolhol down the drain if he doesn't want help is a waste.

    Answer by CorrinaWithrow at 11:12 AM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • He'll probably never let it go. He will keep finding ways to hide it from you. It's just him. You can deal with it, or move on if it's something you cant tollerate. It's like it gets in their blood or something.

    Answer by forevermom75 at 11:12 AM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • It's not an addiction. He is male. as long as he isn't spending all his money on it and you loose the house then just let him have his alone time. Maybe make a deal that he needs to hide it really well and maybe you can go shopping once a week or so and tell him you will be back at X. Then you won't catch him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:21 AM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • If he can't stop than it is a addiction. Seek help for him!

    Answer by gammie at 11:27 AM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • Keep him so busy and satisfied he doesn't have time or desire to look at porn.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:29 AM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • His over reaction makes me think it's not acceptable porn. Next time don't make a big deal but when he's not around look to see what kind of porn it is. If it's kiddie porn you have a bigger problem than you think.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:31 AM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • There really isn't anything you can do to make it stop. He has to want to stop and seek counseling. My ex and I (notice I say ex) had problems that included internet porn and cheating on his part. We went to marriage counseling and when the counselor said to him that he was a sex and porn addict and needed additional counseling on his own, he stood up and shouting "Everyone is ganging up on me" and stormed off, thus ending our counseling. After two more miserable years of marriage I finally had the courage to leave him for good.

    I couldn't be happier with my life now, porn free...

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 11:39 AM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • My S/O and I watch porn together sometimes. You might consider trying that. Plus it really can give you good ideas on some new positions to try out!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:33 PM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • anon :27 there is a difference between can't stop and doesn't want to stop because it's not a problem. As far as we know the only one with a problem is the OP. She has caught him TWO TIMES in FOUR YEARS. She didn't mention if he has emptied their bank account or sold his car to fund his hobby. So I am going to assume he hasn't. This doesn't sound like a problem that needs to be stopped for any reason other then his wife asked him to. Now that is a different issue completely. But it does NOT make it an "addiction".

    Now the overreaction does sound odd. However it could be that he is mad at her for asking him to stop or he is embarrassed to be caught at all even if it was just Playboy or something.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:44 PM on Feb. 20, 2010

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