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Would you stay in a relationship if there was no future?

Last year I met a great guy and he knows that I have 3 children and recently divorced. I was only intending it to be just a casual fling but he ended up wanting more than just that. We ended up developing feelings for one another, and it wasn't a rebound thing at all. I had been over my marriage for quite some time even before it was finalized legally. The only issue is that this guy does not see having any future with me. Not saying that I want to settle down and marry him this second, but there are just too many things that seem odd to me. For instance, he does not want children at all yet knows I have 3 of my own from my marriage. Also, he plans on leaving the country after he completes his degree. He is in college studying Japanese and wants to move to Japan. He just wants us to 'live in the moment' but I dont think I could continue something the possibility of no future in it. I dont love for 'thrills'.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:44 PM on Feb. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Well the good news is your getting to have some fun, but he isn't that in to you, or even so doesn't want to deal with 3 kids that would keep him from his dream of going to Japan! I guess as long as you enjoy his company and he yours go ahead, but I would be very careful about letting my kiddos get to attached to him! You also might be suprised that if you back off he will begin to pursue you,,,the saying abscence makes the heart grow fonder comes to mind! I hope it works out for you and to answer your question yes I would continue to see him as long as I could manage in my head that he would be leaving soon! Good luck!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 2:48 PM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • I feel like that's what I'm doing now - staying in the relationship because of our child, and not because of our future. I'm thinking I will cross the bridges as they come...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:59 PM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • kick him to the curb go on e-harmony
    mommymadness30

    Answer by mommymadness30 at 3:03 PM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • okay so you have a child with him? thought you said you just had children from a previous marriage and he had none?


    staying in the relationship because of our child

    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 3:08 PM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • We dont have any children together...all my 3 children are my ex husbands. I guess that can be seen as staying in a relationship for a child or children though too.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:34 PM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • hmm... do you want to continue this fun with no future expectation? are you willing to compromise on your future? maybe he doesnt want any of HIS OWN kids, but would want to be apart of your children's lives. they arent biologically HIS, kwim? what does he plan on doing in Japan- how does he plan on getting a visa for over there?

    personally. i'd probably let him go and find someone who has somewhat of the same life schedule as me
    Shy_Dia

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 4:05 PM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • He has this idea that he can become an English teacher overseas. He studied abroad for a semester in school and wants to move there from those 6 months or whatever he was there. He already applied to one program, but wasnt accepted because he failed the proficiency test....basically he doesn't know enough Japanese to teach English. He has already met my kids and they do like him a lot...he never even said that they were a 'problem' in our relationship..hell, we bring them on dates sometimes when I cannot find a sitter.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:15 PM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • I would not ever have introduced my kids to a man that I saw no future with, and knowing that now, I certainly wouldn't be letting them spend more time with him, letting them get more attached. I want to spend my life with someone, not someone who's here right now, but someone who's going to be around forever so for me, I would just end things. You have to decide if right now is enough for you - but he's already pretty much telling you it's not going to last.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 6:30 PM on Feb. 20, 2010

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