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What age should a mother be "Okay" with her teenage daughter having sex?

My oldest of four just turned 15 yesterday. I gave her $100 and a brand new, upgraded cell phone. She deserved it. She's a great kid, great student, she's really holding her own (all A's and B's) at one of the most prestigious schools in Pennsylvania. At the same time, she's a teen and getting into boys. I too, was the "Good" girl at her age. My friends parents had no idea I was the mastermind behind the bad things that got them into trouble. I was SO sneaky. Which got me pregnant with her @15 and having her @ 16. I'm FRANTIC right now! She's at that age! We have a good line of communication and we talk a lot. But lately she's been shutting me out. Talking very little, or not at all. Coming home and staying in her room until dinner, then back to her room until bed time. I've been told this is normal teen behavior, but how can I be sure? She resents me for not letting her have a boyfriend; all her friends do. Should I let up?


Asked by Dmommy4 at 7:08 PM on Feb. 20, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 9 (315 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (74)
  • My dd started dating at 16 but had a bf at 15. It just meant that they did things with a group and were usually at someones house. Dating to me is going one on one somewhere, mall movies, something like that. Chances are she has someone she sees at school or at a friends house. I would be very concerned about her change in behavior. Talk and talk and then talk some more. tell her what you expect of her now and when she does date. Don't make it just about sex. There are kids that do date and are still virgins. I have one of those kids. And it is not always easy. And I talk A LOT!! Keeping an open and honest conversation going is so important. I always tell my girls that if they are honest and fair with me I will be honest and fair with them. Giving in to a boyfriend may make her less likely to do the same things you did. Make your house always open to him so you can know him and see how he is with you dd.

    Answer by wallmom1 at 4:46 PM on Feb. 21, 2010

  • Yes, ease up a bit, when you hold the reighns too tight is when they get crazy.

    Answer by older at 7:09 PM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • I dont think u can b ok with it no matter what age but I think u should talk bout safety now I got preg. when I was 17 so I strongly recomend safe sex

    Answer by Hbabygirl476 at 7:09 PM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • If you don't allow her to have a boyfriend then yes she will sneak around and do it anyways and that will lead to her going against other things you have taught her like not having sex. If you allow her to have a BF and make sure to have rules regarding when and where they go etc and that you know him etc. Telling her no is just going to make your life harder, you need to work with her not against her.

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 7:11 PM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • i also started having sex at 15 but i would be very open w/ her try not to shut boys completely out of her life just keep an eye on her and set some rules and tell her about how hard it was having a baby so young and maybe you would of waited to have sex?

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:12 PM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • My teenage daughter can have sex when she's 18 & able to support a child if she gets pregnant.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:14 PM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • Make sure she understands safe sex and birth control. She could just be feeling depressed or insecure and is isolating herself. If I had to draw a broad line in the sand, I say 17 as long as they were in a healthy, safe, and respectful relationship ( I know others will disagree but I'm being realistic).


    Answer by Farrahann at 7:15 PM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • If You were the Mastermind in your day of your friends' lives and therefore yours too, I'm not sure why you can't see that dd is deciding to be the mastermind of her life-deciding when and who knows her details of her life.

    I was very very private as a teen myself and also very controlled by my parents. I've talked with my kids about condoms and spermicide gels bc since early preteens but using it makes them adult. And from that single act of adulthood could come a lifetime of adult duties.

    My kids each babysat at different times their younger siblings. Keeping upon that reallykept them intouch with reality and the tough responsibilities of babies, little kids. Maybe your dd needs what I gave my kids -nota job of bringing uptheir younger siblings but learning the responsibilities of babies andlittle siblings.

    Two of my kids are adults and 1 a teen. Seeing them with friends who have babies of their own,mine learned.

    Answer by lfl at 7:15 PM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • If you don't ease up she'll shut you out more and sneak around and do it anyway. As for being okay with sex..I don't think it's ever okay. Truth be told, my Mother is 75 and I've been married 29 years in July and I STILL don't think she's okay with

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 7:16 PM on Feb. 20, 2010

  • First thing your should do is put her on birth control. So you know she can not get pregnant. If you do not want her to date, do not let her. Sit her down and tell her why.

    Answer by louise2 at 7:19 PM on Feb. 20, 2010