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Do you treat your kids the same?

I have two children. One boy and one girl. The boy is 6yrs. The Girl is 2yrs going to be 3yrs in 2 months. The Boy is my step-son. I started taking care of him at the age of 3yrs old. The girl is my biological daughter. I really want to treat them both the same. Is it possible? Am I a bad mom?

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happilymarried

Asked by happilymarried at 6:28 PM on Feb. 21, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (11)
  • Yes, you can treat the children the same. I'm sure that you love your son (step or not) as much as you love your daughter.
    A lot of people take in the children of their S/O and love them just as if they were their own.
    Why would you question whether you're a bad mother?
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 6:32 PM on Feb. 21, 2010

  • My husband says I treat them different.
    happilymarried

    Answer by happilymarried at 6:36 PM on Feb. 21, 2010

  • I think my parents treated my brother and I differently because of the boy girl thing. I mean we are full blood brother and sister and were still treated differently. Boys and girls ARE different. As far as loving them, you should love them the same and try to treat them as equally as possible.
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 6:41 PM on Feb. 21, 2010

  • My family is, me, my 2 year old daughter, my fiance (who is not my 2yr old's bio father, but he is her daddy in every way) and me and my fiance have an 8 month old together...so basically he is my daughter's step dad. He treats them the same. And i treat my kids the same. i love them both to pieces it's scary lol. I guess there would be a little bit of difference in your case since he is your stepson...and no matter how much you love him..you share a much closer bond with your bio daughter. It's understandable..you're not a bad mom...just make sure you spend much time with both of them, and make sure they both know they are very much loved by you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:49 PM on Feb. 21, 2010

  • well i have a stepson that's about to be four i treat him good i never really got that close to him beacuse he dont live with us but when he comes over i treat him like any guest that comes over. and i have a new baby thats about 3 months which i love to death. ano no i can tell you right now i love my baby more than anything since the first day i found out he was in my belly.and for my stepson i guess it needs to take some time. like with my dh i grew to love him....

    but it would never be the same love as my baby well maybe close.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:44 PM on Feb. 21, 2010

  • I grew up in a family with 1 brother, 1 sister, and 2 stepbrothers. Usually I just say 3 brothers and 1 sister, because there was no difference between us. We were all treated equally and there is no doubt in my mind that my stepdad loves me just as much as he loves his two bio sons. It CAN happen. Look at adoptive parents, they love their adopted kids just as much as they love any bio kids they may have. If the feelings aren't there yet, do everything you can to make things equal between them - you would never want to cause any rift between them because they see the differences.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 7:52 PM on Feb. 21, 2010

  • I treat my 2 year old and 4 year old different. my 4 yo understands the rules and my 2 yo doesn't. My 4 year old has more self control then my 2 year old. I have different expectations because of different development. When my 4 year old pointed out that the expectations were not matching my youngest development (In her own way) I stepped up and changed my expectations. Let the kids show you what they need and give it with all the love you have.

    DevilInPigtails

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 8:40 PM on Feb. 21, 2010

  • yes and no. I have diff. expectations b/c of ages and temperments. I push each in diff. ways... I love them the same but they are individuals and have diff needs, habits, and temperments.
    ie... I don't watch my ds around food ... he's pretty good at making healthy choices (6)..... my dd (4) will steal food if she can and fill up on sweets.
    However, I trust her when she's playing with other kids and to not try something too dangerous (like climbing up to the top of a tree) -- my ds is impulsive and will act b/f he thinks ....

    devlin... nice way to put it.
    MamiJaAyla

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 8:51 PM on Feb. 21, 2010

  • Fair does not mean the same. When they're younger it is more difficult to differentiate, especially in the interpretation of biological versus step. As they age, we have treated kids differently but fairly. An example, my eldest told us where she was and what she was doing, worked so she had her own money....we gave her quite a bit of freedom and lattitude. Our second one, not so much. We get the "that's not fair" a lot and we explain 1. life isn't fair and 2. Our decisions/actions are based on his and what he has earned.

    I grew up with my step-dad raising me. I did not know a difference until I was an adult...the difference in how he raised my little brothers may also be attributed to being older and more mellow.

    Do your best.
    Hippo-ray

    Answer by Hippo-ray at 9:03 PM on Feb. 21, 2010

  • Biological or not it's not always easy or even fair to treat children the same. All children are different and need different things. With my two I don't always have to discipline the same. My older who is a boy takes the littlest discipline to heart and will change his behavior just over a look sometimes. My younger who is a girl needs to be disciplined repeatedly for the same thing. She is very stubborn. My son seems to need more attention from me and I do more mommy and son alone things with him. Of course I love them both immensely the same but they are just night and day from each other and what works for one will not always work for the other. I am also a step mom. She has never lived with us but it is hard for me to love her the same. I don't always treat her the same. I don't think I'm a bad mom because of it. I think I'm just human and I cherish my own more.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:24 AM on Feb. 22, 2010

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