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I come from a family of morals and respect. (relationships)

I'm in a serious relationship with my boyfriend and I see myself with him in the far future.
I want to know why men and other women believe it's okay for men to look, stare, oogle over other women whether they are on TV or right in front of you, making it obvious appearently.

I attend church and when I hear our pastor preach about marriage, and how we direct every bit of affection, attention and lust towards our SO. I've always been taught this, from childhood.

My past relationship, I was left alone with a child, for another woman. So I can say that I do get a little self conscience and paranoid about that.

I just want to know, should I find somebody who has the same morals, and same marriage/relationship standards as I do..

Or should I settle for what society has deemed "Okay" when I find it disrespectful and offensive?
I know men will always find another woman beautiful, but does he need to make it obvious for me?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:19 AM on Feb. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (19)
  • I agree with you that he needs to take his focus elsewhere. How long have you known him? My dh looked at first and we fought about porn but after about 5 years he grew up and became a man and doesn't need those things. We still have porn dvds but nobody looks at them. He doesn't discuss other women. It is a non issue and our relationship is very healthy sexually.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:33 AM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • I've known him since high school. I was a freshman and he was a senior. We're still a young couple but, why do I find myself the mature one, pulling the weight for both our parts in the relationship? If he's 3 years older than I am, why isn't he 3 years more mature than I am?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:36 AM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • wow why on earth would you think you should purposefully put yourself at the beginning of a relationship, in a relationship known to be against who you are and who you want to be with?

    Try some counselling to help you understand why you would consider that.

    I've been with a person I thought would be loving and caring before we married. His behavior during dating was alright. He chose nice manners during dating but wasn't taught to respect and he's chosen to disrespect after.

    Don't stay with a guy who disrespects you past two years. His past history of attitude is your future if you stay.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:44 AM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • If you come from a family witrh morals,etc. and go to church, why are you not waiting for marriage???? I came from a moral and respectful family too...but I waited to get married and then had my kids and I think anyone who is concerned about men ogling other women should have higher standards.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:45 AM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • Never settle for anything else than what you want, but men will all do this some more obvious than others. Just feel enough confidence not to let this bother you.
    older

    Answer by older at 10:46 AM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • OP you answered your own question. He is immature and you are pulling his weight. You are probably more serious than him. Are you having sex with him? If you are despite your moral code then he is disrespecting you. He isn't stupid you know. If you say one thing and do another some people will walk all over you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:48 AM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • if u dont want to settle then dont, you have you morals and shouldnt change then for anyone but yourself. in that case u should be at every church meeting looking for a man bc thats the only way u will find one that doesnt at least fantasize about other women, and thats still a small chance. i see nothing wrong with a man lookin on tv or internet and admiring a nice looking woman, theres nothing wrong with it until it becomes more than just looking. you will know if a man truly loves you by the way he handles looking at other women, bc ALL will look at some point. mine may look, but he doesnt oogle, he looks at porn, but not often enough to make me worry
    secondtyme520

    Answer by secondtyme520 at 10:48 AM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • Okay, AP 10:45, I had a child out of wedlock when I was 16 and yes, it was on accident. Obviously I've changed my life. Thanks.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:51 AM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • hi op, about your last couple of sentences in your 936 response... age has nothing to do with maturity. It's life's experiences that bring maturity. That' what I've told me kids when they've disrespected me - that because I'm older I've done more I've been through things they're doing and not doing and their ways at x times are not healthy, smart for their bodies or for others around them.

    If you require or want, ask for firmly or not partnership daily with him in finances, kids, health, relaxation but he sees his own parents frequently and any of them don't ask or demand he respect you, then he won't. If you're not seen in his eyes of being worthy to others by others, why should he respect you.

    Does he go out with his friends often? Leave you behind to even bowl weekly or a couple of time nightly? WHAT DO YOU do that you're telling him it's ok?

    Tell him it's not if you need him home, until you yourself get free time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:51 AM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • If you marry someone who does not share the same standards you will either live unhappily or be divorced. Save yourself the heartache. Every man is different and you will find the right one for you when you are not tied down with the wrong one.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:51 AM on Feb. 22, 2010

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