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does my husband have a reason to be upset

so i found one of my ex-boyfriends profiles on myspace the other day. I didn't go searching for it, but he has a kid with one of my other friends and i was looking at her page and saw his link. I haven't talked to him in almost 4 years because he used to have a drug problem as well did i. But i've been clean for almost 6 years so i cut of contact with him when i realized he was still using. We were never sexual but really good friends. So his profile said that he's threw rehab and clean and has a good girlfriend and a good job. And i remember what it felt like being clean for the first time and trying to stay clean and the support needed. So i didn't add him as a friend, but i just sent him a message saying i'm proud for straightening up and getting clean and to keep up the good work. Well, my husband is not happy about this. Like i said before, even though we dated 7 years ago, we were never sexual. And i don't want him back

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:07 PM on Feb. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • OP; so does my hubby has a reason to be upset. I told him about it, i didn't try to hide it or anything. He said, well, i guess i have to deal with it since you've done it, but don't think your gonna go and be friends with him. I'm not ok with that at all. I just wanna know if i was in the wrong.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:09 PM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • I don't think you were wrong to want to encourage your friend, but I can also see why your husband may have felt threatened by it. I think at this point in time, I would just say to hubby that you are sorry that what you did made him feel uncomfortable and that you have no intention of even following up on your friend. Tell him what you told us about knowing how your friend feels and you just wanted to encourage him a little. Then I wouldn't bring it up again.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 6:16 PM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • I don't think you were wrong. Is your husband usually jealous or this this out of character for him? Is he maybe worried you;ll go back to old habits if you're talking to this guy?
    flitpixie

    Answer by flitpixie at 6:18 PM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • Good God! Is your husband that insecure!!?? I think he clearly has self esteem problems if he was bothered by that, it was 7 years ago!! Get over it!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:26 PM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • I think I understand his issue, he is trying to protect his family from potentially bad outside influences, this friend used to do drugs and so did you. Your DH is likely worried that falling back into old friendships can cause falling back into old habits and he see this as a danger to you and the rest of your family. You should have a serious talk to him about how he is feeling and why.
    truealaskanmom

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 6:33 PM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • OP; Well, my husband may be a little insecure, and he is does get a little jealous from time to time, but not super jealous. I think one of the things that kinda bothers him, is the ex looks alot like him. I had a picture of us from homecoming and it looks just like my husband, so much so that if i found it and showed my 3 year old daughter, she would swear it was her daddy. And because before i met my husband, i thought this guy was the one that got away. And ofcourse since i met him threw friends, he knows that how i felt. I don't think i did anything wrong, and i guess i don't see it as a big deal because we were never sexual. Of course i would expect him to react the way he is if this was a guy i was sexual with it's not. Maybe he just worried because i actually cared about this person. I don't know. But can't we care about people without being into them like that. I don't know what i'm saying anymore.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:00 PM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • Well lets put it this way, how would you feel if your hubby contacted an ex girlfriend of his? no matter the content of it. I'm pretty sure you will feel threatened. Your reaction to it may be different, but it would make you feel insecure and make you wonder what if!

    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 7:15 PM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • i think you meant well but as we know ,just for a man to know you cared about someone is good enough to never wanna hear about them,and ofcourse he is mad his girl went and took the time to congratulate some dude she cared for at one point.
    BUSYLOVINGHIM

    Answer by BUSYLOVINGHIM at 7:22 PM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • yeah, it wasn't a good thing to do. Anytime there is history and any type of addiction involved it's never a good idea to reopen that door. My grandma used to say "never invite temptation". Not to mention you probably hurt your man and you ex's gf may even freak.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:06 PM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • You have to look at it from a guy's point of view.

    He's wondering if you looked for this person on purpose, even though you say you didn't.

    And he's probably wondering why you had to bring someone from your past into your present. I can guarantee you that if it was a girl, he wouldn't have said anything or been upset about it. But because this is a guy and someone you dated, whether or not you had sex with him, this is someone you have a past with, and that's bound to bring out the jealous side of ANY guy.

    Think about it. What if he left a comment for another girl that he used to know? Would you like it?

    And, he might also be thinking that, maybe the reason you sent him a message is because you're still interested in that person...because if you really have nothing with that person, then why bother talking with them seven years later?
    chavela_carlita

    Answer by chavela_carlita at 9:15 PM on Feb. 22, 2010

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