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how can you explain to your children the baby died?...

they went out shopping with you for baby clothes,they picked out the stroller,baby bag,even to the teeny weeny shoes,boasted to all their friends "my mommy's gonna have a baby".how do you tell them the baby died and not scar them for life?

 
cuddlymom303

Asked by cuddlymom303 at 8:59 PM on Feb. 22, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (8)
  • So sorry for you. I agree with the PP who said just be honest and gentle. Sooner or later they will have to confront death, and it will never be a nice thing. I had to learn about death when I was 8 and my dad and 2 brothers died in an accident. It's not nice at any age, but children have an amazing capacity to understand. I even think children have a better capacity to deal with grief than some of us adults have. If you believe in heaven, talk alot about that and about seeing the baby again someday. Good luck!
    Adelicious

    Answer by Adelicious at 12:12 AM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • oh my goodness...i'm sorry. that would probably be so hard to do, i can't imagine how i would go about doing that
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 9:01 PM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • Tell them gently in a way they understand. If you're a religious family, you can tell them God and all of his angels missed the baby too much and asked her to go back to Heaven, where she could smile and play and watch over her siblings/parents. I'm deeply sorry for your loss.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:03 PM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • Oh God.... I have no clue. There is a blog site that a girl I went to school with has and she lost her baby over a year ago. She also had 2 sons at the time. Perhaps you should check out her site and maybe contact her for help.

    http://www.blogger.com/profile/05569964047627902570

    She is a lovely woman who's been through that Hell. I will warn you her site is very very sad.
    Allergic2Stupid

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 9:13 PM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • I'm very sorry for your loss! I've had a couple friends go through this... one of them had a later loss (stillbirth) and had to sit down with the kids and explain that sometimes, just like with people who are already born, a baby is not healthy and cannot survive, and she explained that the baby had passed on in a way that worked with their religious beliefs. Another friend who had an earlier loss (early to mid first tri) told her kids that sometimes doctors make mistakes, and it turns out that mom wasn't having a baby after all. She thought that would be easier for the kids than trying to process the idea of pregnancy loss.

    Again, so sorry for your loss and hope the kids handle it well.
    Freela

    Answer by Freela at 10:18 PM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • Before my mom died last year, we asked the social worker how to explain to our kids (all between the ages of 1 year and 3 years) about their grandmother passing.


    Here is what she told us:


    -use the word died and cancer (what mom died of)...or whatever the disease was


    -don't say things like "her tummy hurt" or "she's sleeping" that can cause the kids to worry


    -be open and honest with the kids, cry in front of them if you are sad


    -answer their questions as honestly as possible


    -take them to the funeral but have a buddy for them (a close friend for example...my sister had her in-laws there for all the kids)


    I'm sorry you are going through this and I hope this helps.

    jms124

    Answer by jms124 at 10:45 PM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • I'm so sorry for your loss.
    BridgetC140

    Answer by BridgetC140 at 12:04 AM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • Is this a miscarriage or died after birth? I'm so sorry. :(

    My DD knows she had a brother or sister before her. I was 3 months along when I had the miscarriage. Though she wasn't born yet so she didn't pick out items for the baby I still told her openly and honestly that we had lost a baby before her. I explained how the baby died while still inside me and that we were very sad. She had saw the babies spirit which is why I told her. She asked me who he was and I explained it could have been her little brother watching over her. And that she'd get to meet him one day when she's old and done with this world.
    SalemWitchChild

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 5:30 AM on Feb. 23, 2010

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