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I love him, but I don't like him spending a lot of time at my apartment...is there something wrong with me?

My daughter's father and I are trying to make our relationship work, after 1.5 years of ups and downs. He wants to start spending more time at my apartment, but I don't really want him to. My one-bedroom apartment is tiny, it's barely big enough for my 19 month old and me to move around in, let alone adding my boyfriend too. I start feeling really crowded when he spends a lot of time here, and I can't wait for him to go home. It's not because I don't care him...it's just that I already gave up my bedroom to my daughter, and am sleeping in the livingroom. So when he comes over, guess where we spend the most time together? IN THE LIVINGROOM. I don't feel like I have any personal space, because he tends to "spread out"-his clothes and stuff, etc. I hope I'm making sense!!

Is there something wrong with me? I tried to mention it to him, and he kinda took it the wrong way...

Any advice? Thank you.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:26 PM on Feb. 22, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I have been married 18 years and even in a 3 bedroom house sometimes there just isn't enough space! And I certainly never have any space that's just mine! I have two boys and my DH's 9 year old 1/2 sister right now! I can't go any where! Not even the bathroom without someone bothering me! lol So I know what you're feeling! I think if he's the right guy he'll understand that it's YOUR space and when he comes his stuff takes up too much space!! Especially with a toddler!! He should respect that, if he doesn't then maybe he's not the one!

    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 12:06 AM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • OP

    I forgot to add that he is currently living with his mom, and we don't get along. I also don't have a convenient way to get to his town anyway...my toddler would never make it on a 1.5 hour bus ride. His car broke down, so he's in the process of looking for another one.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:28 PM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • Explain it the way you just did to us that makes sense you feel like you have no space that truly just belongs to you and when he is hanging around where you sleep all the time it is overwhelming.
    truealaskanmom

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 10:28 PM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • If you can afford to buy some organizational shelves for your closet, bins, that sorta thing, maybe that will help with the clutter. I can't stand clutter either, it really does something to your mind, makes you depressed even. At least for me... But I wouldn't limit his time being with his daughter. Maybe you can get a sitter some nights so you can renew the bond between you too and go out. Then you're not in the cramped apartment either! Or take your dd out more often too. Is there a park nearby? A library? Or you can just go walking around the apartment complex.
    Pristine_Dream

    Answer by Pristine_Dream at 10:34 PM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • You must not love him that much or you would make it work.Maybe you do. But it seems not. If the two of you have a child and you love each other, why not find a new place for both of you that has 2 bedrooms??? He is living with his Mother??? Why are you not married? That's what grown ups do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:51 PM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • Why does a 19 month old need a bedroom to herself? Most rooms easily can fit a bed and a toddler bed.. You must not love him that much..I am happy to be with my hubby wherever, I'm happy just to be with him..

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:54 PM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • I say just tell him straight up because it sounds like he may be trying to move in. If he is already living with his moma, then he probably enjoys the time he has with you and is not worried about the space. He will more than likely get offended but if you don't want the three of you living in a cramped space then you need to do it. In my younger days I got trapped like that. I had this guy tell me his roommate was moving and he had no where to go...it will just be temporary. YEA RIGHT!!! I had to get the police to get him out.
    my2kids312

    Answer by my2kids312 at 10:55 PM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • OP

    I usually don't waste my time responding to comments made by anonymous posters, but I will make an exception.

    First of all, my daughter takes 1-2 naps per day, and goes to bed by 7:00pm. I don't go to bed until midnight or later. So it made sense to give her the bedroom. She is such a light sleeper that any little noise wakes her up. When we WERE sharing the bedroom, we woke each other up constantly. And. on top of that, her toys were taking over my apartment. Now 85% of them are in the bedroom.

    Just because I need personal space doesn't mean I don't love him. Like I said, it's a small apartment. There's a livingroom, kitchen, bathroom and a bedroom.

    We're not talking about marriage at this point. His mother is chronically ill, collects ssi, and she needs help with the bills. He can't afford to pay 1/2 of the bills at his mom's place AND pay 1/2 the bills for another apartment.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:14 AM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • ..if you were really in love with him you'd want him there regardless...I once lived in a boarding house, one room, no bathroom ( it was down the hall..community bathroom) and it didn't even occur to me to want space from my bf at the time...we were just happy...in love...don't settle for less than that! A 4,000 ft. mansion wouldn't be big enough to take that feeling away from you, bet you a million bucks! jmo...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:40 AM on Feb. 23, 2010

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