Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

child support

Hey I was just wondering if anybody can help me out. I was thinking about taking out child support on my sons "sperm donor" he has never wanted anything to do with my son and i want to keep it that way. So the problem is if i take out child support im afraid that he will want something to do with him. He is not on the birth certificate or anything, has never seen him and he is also on drugs. So What my question is if i was to take out child support on him will he have any rights to my son? Hope someone can give me some advice on this. Thanks.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:30 PM on Feb. 22, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • first you'll need a paternity test which the child support enforcement office will tell you how to obtain.

    yes, he will have rights to your son, but depending on the situation, you can go through a custody hearing and attempt to make it supervised visitation only.

    you can't expect to ask someone for money for their child then expect to not allow that person to see the kid!

    if you don't want your child around the man, don't do anything, he's not on the birthcertificate, so at this point, if you remarry, it would be easy for the stepfather to adopt.


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:34 PM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • to get child support you would have to first prove that he is the father since he isn't on the birth certificate. at this time him not being on the birth certificate, i am pretty sure that he wouldnt have any rights to him. again though you wouldnt be able to get support. if you get child support, he might want to set up visitation.

    my thinking is that if it is in your child's best interest to not be around his father, than i would keep it that way and live without the support. that is what i would probably do anyhow.

    Answer by aly38914290 at 11:35 PM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • You are going to have to get a DNA test first to establish paternity. Once that is over with, child support and visitation will be arranged. Even if he does not pay child support, as his biological father, he has rights to see him. If he's such a loser, are you sure you want to open this Pandora's Box? Sometimes things are not worth it. From what you just said about him, this may hurt you and your son in the long run. He would have to be found to be unfit and sometimes drug use is not the only thing taken into consideration. Seriously, once he is found to be the father of your son, he's going to have rights. But then you have to ask yourself if it is fair to deny your son his father regardless of your personal feelings. Best bet would be to get a lawyer. There's more than just you saying he's the father and demanding a check from him each month.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:36 PM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • even if you dont get child support it doesnt mean he cant have anything to do with him now -- he could come tomorrow and basically have rights to see him..... the same goes with men saying since they cant see their kids, they dont have to pay CS -- it doesnt work that way.

    If you really need the money, then go for it -- if he didnt want anything to do with him now, I doubt he suddenly will, just because he has to pay ( which doesnt mean he will pay) ... and even if he does, chances are he will only visit like once or twice and be out of his life again.....

    Answer by glamomomo at 11:40 PM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • It depends on the state. In MN i was able to file for support without any visitation or parenting rights attached. If my sons' father would have been given rights, I would have never filed. Check and see if there are any low cost lawyers available to women in your area. Something like Lutheran Social Services should know.

    Answer by lewseatea at 11:41 PM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • Since I am not an attorney, but have been through the process in CA. In CA, Child Support and parental visitation are two different things.

    Whether you are paying child support or not, has nothing to do with being able to see your children. And I think this is good. While I know the custodial parent needs money to raise the kids, the kids need both parents in their life. And for whatever reason one isn't financially supporting the kids, doesn't mean the kids shouldn't have the emotional support of that parent.

    If he is a drug addict and it can be proved, then you could probably have restrictions placed on his visitation. I do know in CA you and your child would probably attend Family Court Services, where someone would access your child's willingness and readiness to be around his dad that he doesn't know at the momemt. Good Luck.....

    Answer by PSCreates at 11:57 PM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • glamomo is right, i been there and done that. my sperm donor is on my sons birth cert and the dna shows he the father, he has not seen my son since he was 2 months old and has not wanted to see him what so ever and that goes for the dads family. hes also stopped paying child support. him out of my sons life has been the best thing.

    Answer by elias1mamma22 at 12:30 AM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • well if he dont want anything to do with ur child like my sperm donor i was court order to get 652 a month from him and havent seen him or a dime. he owes 9000 and last thing he told my kids was he has a better family now and dont need my kids right in front of them just bc his gf was havin his baby after two months of daten. more likely he wont want nothing to do with him after words u can only hope but u may not even see a dime either

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:42 AM on Feb. 23, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.