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Personality Differences

So confused, I have been married 4ever (over 27 years. I left my husband about 5months ago. It has been a roller coaster ride of emotions ever since. He wants me to come home to show me he has changed. It was so stressful there , I told him that we needed to date and spent time together (No Sex) to see if we can have a conversation without disagreeing. He said I had 2 months to decide if I want him or not. His said he was tired of waiting. I feel so pressed from all sides. I think I have come to believe that we are just not meant to be together, we bring out the worst in each other. I am afraid of my future without him, but on the other hand I am excited about the possibilities. I feel like my head is going to explode. We went to court becaused I filed for divorce, but I put everything on hold because we tried counseling. We went a couple of times and i found out he was lieing to me about some things so now I distrust him.

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:37 PM on Feb. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • Look you take your time and if he gives you a time limit then say no thank you. If he loves you and you need more time then tyell him no contact for 21 days no texting no web cam no e-mail - no phone calls no letter writing no coming by dont let the kids talk to you about him for 21 daysNo family or friends talking about him in front of you. see where you are then at 21 days and see how you feelhe then can call you or you can call him.. It made me want my boy friend back who is now my fiance. Good luck

    Answer by paurad at 11:58 PM on Feb. 22, 2010

  • You can't let someone else dictate how you feel and giving you an ultimatum just isn't reasonable. My personal opinion?? And of course, this is only from the short amount that you have written and me being through a divorce are ready to move on. If you are getting excited thinking of the possibilities without him then you are in a place where you are ready to move forward with your own life. It WILL be scary at first, but you have to do what is good for you. And if you are meant to be with your husband you will know 100%, without a doubt that you want to be with him and if you can't say that you do, then it's not fair to yourself to settle for something less than what will truly make you happy. Do what is good for you! Everything else will fall into place...

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:24 AM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • I can see both sides here. I can understand how you feel, b/c he's pressuring you to make a decision that you just aren't sure you're ready to make. But at the same time...while you're making this decision, he's stuck in limbo, not knowing what is going to happen or what he should do. So I can see why he made the ultimatum. Not that I agree with him, but I can understand. I think my first question to you is has it been like this the entire 27 yrs or is this recent? If it's recent, look at things that may have affected your relationship: menopause, children moving out leaving you two alone for the first time in X yrs, etc. Maybe it's just that you two need to adjust to these life changes. After 27 yrs, I'd hesitate to just walk away, that's a major investment. But, if you're ready to move on, and you're excited, then you have to do what you feel is best for all involved.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:20 AM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • I agree with pauard. I can see both sides as well though, but in the end you need to do what's best for YOU because all this stress will affect your health too. Be happy, do what you need to do. I did.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:05 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

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