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Solutions for foster parents

http://www.essortment.com/all/fosterparenting_rdxa.htm

OK, I'm trying again because I feel that I failed to communicate the SOLUTIONS in the above-mentioned link. I printed the first paragraph as an "attention grabber" but it didn't go over as I thought. This article is NOT meant to dissuade anyone from foster care or adopting thru foster care. It isn't meant to portray police or CPS in a negative light. Quite the opposite. It WAS meant to show both common behavioral issues and solutions to these issues when a foster child is taken into our care as foster parents. I'm sorry for the confusion and feel that this article WILL help those who are considering foster care or are having issues that need answers.

Thanks for your patience! :)

Answer Question
 
doodlebopfan

Asked by doodlebopfan at 11:37 AM on Feb. 23, 2010 in Adoption

Level 20 (9,525 Credits)
Answers (20)
  • doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 11:37 AM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • OP:
    Do you bear tremendous guilt for adopting? Do you experience self loathing? that is the only explanation for your repeated attempts to search high and low for article that paint adoption and now foster care in a negative light.

    Ironically, half of the things this article says not to do are impossible if you are adopting the child. Maybe some of this may apply as a temporary foster parent but this doesnt apply to adoption.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:23 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • Most new foster parents make the decision to become involved due to a love of children and a desire to help. They do not expect to be faced with anger, resentment, fear and animosity as a result of trying to help the child. Being unprepared to deal with the realities of the child’s feelings can make the foster family experience traumatic for both the foster child and the foster parent. A little forethought, understanding and compassion, however, can make the experience one that will forever change the lives of both the foster child and the foster parent, enriching both far beyond the cost of the child care. - Quoted from the link.

    Anon: No & No.

    The reason for the post isn't to show CPS in a negative way. If you aren't a foster parent, none of this will make sense. If you don't have a heart for foster children, none of this will make sense. If you adopted an infant domestically, this doesn't apply to you.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 1:31 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • However, if you are adopting a child from foster care or if you take care of an infant while their birth parents' rights have yet to be terminated, then the information is important.....for the sake of the child.

    The reason for this post isn't to paint foster care in a negative light. Quite the opposite. (I said that already in this post. Did you not see that?) I hope that more good people who are interested in fostering or adopting or both do become involved. However, it is my heart's desire to see them have REALISTIC expectations of what the experience might be like. I have some friends who grew up in foster homes that were either ill-prepared to foster or that should never have been approved. I can't do anything about the latter, but I feel that by telling people who are wanting to be involved this basic information, that less foster children will suffer from the un-realistic expectations that may be set before them.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 1:41 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • I would hope that people would read the article IN ITS ENTIRETY and be moved to be a part of a system that exists to protect children.


    I can tell by your words, Anon, who you are. I know that you are an adoptive parent (or at least were close to finalization that last time we spoke.) Right now, you may not understand why I say the things that I do and honestly, I don't expect you to. We both have come to adoption from different ways.


    This post is about helping foster parents find solutions to "behavioral problems" that they may experience when a child comes into their home by remembering what the child has experienced and what they may be feeling. This was all supposed to point to the child. Not cps, the child.

    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 2:00 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • Sorry to disappoint, you and I have never spoke and I am not currently or recently involved in a finalization.
    This article is on a forum that provide purely personal opinions and not clinical or professional views.

    "Natural parents may or may not be a part of the problem which caused the child to be placed into foster care" MAY NOT BE PART OF THE PROBLEM? THE BIRTHPARENTS ARE INNOCENT VICTIMS OF CPS SOMEHOW?

    "most often natural parents care about their children and placement into foster care is brought about by circumstances beyond their control" BEYOND THEIR CONTROL? AGAIN I GUESS THAT CPS IS TAKING CHILDREN

    Never try to replace a child’s natural family: Reassure the child that you are there to care for them, but have no intention of taking the place of their natural family ARE YOU FOLLOWING THIS ONE WITH YOUR CHILD?



    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:42 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • anon you personally attack and question the mental health of a woman that just gives her own opinion. NICE .She attacks no one.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:44 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • Anon 1:42pm-"Natural parents may or may not be a part of the problem..." Translation-Don't make assumptions or judgments. (I don't see anything about parents being victims.)


    "most often natural parents care about their children" - Translation: MOST aren't as heartless as you think, regardless of the circumstances.


    "Never try to replace a child’s natural family: Reassure the child that you are there to care for them, but have no intention of taking the place of their natural family ARE YOU FOLLOWING THIS ONE WITH YOUR CHILD?" Thanks for asking this. YES! While he was in foster care. Until his staying w/us was certain. Until adoption by us was the plan. YES! 

    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 12:21 AM on Feb. 24, 2010

  • We can love a child, bond with a child, and still leave room for their parents or other relatives IF that's the plan. That's fostering.

    What if there's a father who didn't know that he had a child until the baby was born into foster care? Should he have been denied because the mother was the reason the child was brought into care?

    What if one parent does something causing removal, and the other parent gets the help that they need in order to get their child back? Should we not respect a parent's effort to improve his/her life given the proper resources?

    Obviously foster care isn't all ponies & rainbows, as others say, and there are parents whose fault it is that their children are in care. However, if they can be taught to parent and can overcome addictions, they should be allowed to, and WHEN THEY CAN'T....we are there to step in....for a child who then needs a family.

    As I said, info for foster parents.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 12:50 AM on Feb. 24, 2010

  • Anon 8:44-Thank you for understanding. :)
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 12:51 AM on Feb. 24, 2010

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