Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

HELP... What should I do?

I'm married to a sweet man. We've been married for 4 years now. I love him dearly, but we've had about a handful of problems with this drinking since we've been married. Everytime he drinks, we argue. He doesn't drink all the time, but when he does he gets aggressive. I lived a very sheltered life as a child. My parents didn't argue. I lived a very happy childhood. I'm not used to arguing. This past weekend we went to a party and and he drank too much. He cursed at me in front of everyone and threw his cell phone in the car while I was on the freeway. He has NEVER put a hand on me. I would leave ASAP. I also just found out that he smoked something else besides his cigar. I'm VERY upset about this. We have 2 children, 2 and under. I don't want them to see us argue. What should I do? How can I make this situation better? Should I just give up on our marriage? I want the best for my kids and myself.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:13 PM on Feb. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I think he should just not drink anymore, he needs to realize this isn't ok and if he IS going to drink, you should not be around each other... it shoudln't be that big of a problem unless he HAS to drink, right?
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 2:17 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • He needs to get help. If drinking makes him violent then get help. I would talk to him when things are good and he hasn't been drinking. He threw a phone, what next he hits you or gets rough and yells at the kids. If he is unwilling to change this destructive behavior, give him an ultimatum and leave for your and your children's safety!  I will pray for you, good luck!


    im sorry

    zakityzak

    Answer by zakityzak at 2:19 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • possibly he needs counseling and needs to stop drinking...possibly marriage counseling as well if you still want to be with him. He NEEDS to quit drinking cold turkey! somme people justy dont know how to handle their alcohol. and if he doesnt stop drinking and doesnt put his family first then id say leave him. try your best to not argue in front of the kids it does sooo much damage to them. GOOD LUCK MOM!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:20 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • it takes 2 to argue. don't say anything back and then he has no one to argue with.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:22 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • You need to have a serious talk with him about this. If the problem lies in drinking then tell him he has to choose the drinking(and smoking) or you and your children. If he really is a good man and doesn't have an actual addiction to drinking then he will know what is most important and give it up. If you have this talk with him and he continues to drink you will have 2 choices, either leave and get your children out of the situation or stay and let them see you fight.
    I come from a home where both my mother and stepfather were alcoholics and they would fight verbally and physically. It took me a long time to over come the damage it caused me, I take that back...I am still trying to recover from it. If SO says a hateful word in a loud mean tone, I will tear up and run away. Even though we have a very healthy relationship and hardly ever argue.

    In whatever choice you make, I wish you all the luck in the world.
    BlainesMommy09

    Answer by BlainesMommy09 at 2:24 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • The best healthy marriages do (and should have) some arguments.

    But they learn to follow some basic "rules of engagement," such as avoiding personal attack comments, not bringing up the past just to be hurtful, and keeping arguments for just when you're sober (and not overtired, or hungry).

    Next time he's buzzed and wants to fight just smile and say "I want to talk about this, but not until your sober. We'll both be able to see it all clearer then." If he keeps going just keep smiling and saying "not until your sober."

    Of course if he's at the level of an alcoholic or drug addict, just get the friends and family together and do an intervention.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:07 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • Everytime he drinks why not leave that's what my family did when my mom went out drinking and come home drunk (she was a mean drunk always yelling and throwing things) Maybe then he'll realize how him drinking affects your marrige and relationship.
    momtoPMCandJNC

    Answer by momtoPMCandJNC at 4:08 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • Tell him his drinking must stop. Or else. The children will begin to see this and that is not right. It's time to let him know that if he does it again, when he wakes up the next morning he will be alone. I've had to say this so I know it's not easy but it's worse to look into the the eyes of your child and know what kind of damage is being done because daddy can't stay out of the bottle.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:29 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • Tell him to smoke that "other stuff" instead of drink. I guarantee that would help.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:23 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.