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My dh and I have been married for 3 years and have 2 kids, aged 3 and 1. We are both young (22) and have struggled with our relationship. Over the past year, my husband has started to change. He has become detached from our family and isn't willing to help with anything around the house or with the kids. My husband has always worked hard outside the home, while I am a SAHM. I appreciate this, but I feel that he should still be doing his part at home. About 2 months ago he got laid off. He was thrilled about this because he wasn't loving his job. But instead of looking for a new job he has been laying around the house, sleeping late, puttering around in his garage, etc. He has barely lifted a finger to help me with the kids or with any house work. I have tried to be understanding of his situation, but every time I ask him to help me with anything he'll get mad and defensive. Lately he gets mad about everything. I've tried...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:19 PM on Feb. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • oh for goodness sakes, do the woman's work and leave the man in peace or he'll find someone who will. he has to worry about bigger things than laundry and dusting and diaper changing. He has to provide for all those mouths. cut him some slack and let him do the man stuff like take care of everyone.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:21 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • SEriously.? you can only be supportive SO long when he's not supporting you or your family emotionally and now financially.. tell him he HAS to get a job or YOU have to get a job and he has to help. Me and my husband both work and we both do the house work and both do lawn work etc.. why can't it be shared when he's not working at this point??
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 2:22 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • ...talking to him, but he won't. He just acts like I'm too stupid to understand anything and that he's "sick of explaining". I'm sick of his attitude and I don't think I can stand it anymore. All he does is make more problems for me. He makes a mess of the house, gets the kids riled up and then takes off to do whatever he feels like doing. I have been trying so hard to make this work and to be sensitive to him, but my blood pressure is through the roof and every time I'm near him I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack. Okay, that was a little over-dramatic, but he is REALLY stressing me out. He is really wearing on my self-esteem by acting like he's so superior to me all the time. I've tried telling him but he acts like I'm being too sensitive and rolls his eyes. I feel like I'm out of options and I just don't know what to do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:22 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • I wouldn't break up my family over that. He needs to find a job sure, but this a snag in the road. Marriage isn't like an episode of the Care Bears.
    ecodani

    Answer by ecodani at 2:24 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • OOOH NOO! right now you both are stay at home parents and you both need to pitch in with the housework! do not listen to crazy anon1...she must slave after her husband. if your husband isnt giving any effort to anything id say leave. what kind of example is she showing your children by doing no hard work and just moping all day?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:24 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • Anonymous, what does he seriously have to worry about when he's not even employed or looking for a job?
    MamaApril2

    Answer by MamaApril2 at 2:24 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • IDK...my husband was laid off too and collected unemployment then his boss called him to come back to work after a long, long period of months!! it was awful!! i guess if he's iffy and his boss might call him back sometime...then i'd say to wait it out but if he's laid off for good then someone's got to work. i'd have a good talk with him and maybe see whats up with him and how to meet in the middle with this job thing, refrain from screaming or yelling.
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 2:32 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • When you got married, wasn't it for "better or worse?" Well, this is one of the not so better moments. I've had quite a few of them in the past 27 years and you need to work through it. Try to talk with him calmly, at a time when you're both relaxed. Don't be accusing or say "YOU have to do this" or "YOU have to do that." Instead, tell him that you're feeling very concerned for your family and your relationship because the two of you aren't communicating right now. Perhaps you can convince him to go to counseling with you. Tell him that it's strictly for your sake, not just because he's "wrong." But please try to work it out. You really don't want to be another young mom who runs away over the first rough patch and then finds out that the next guy (or the next or the next) isn't much better. Don't your kids deserve to have both parents in their home? Good luck to both of you.
    ceallaigh

    Answer by ceallaigh at 2:44 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • families are forever. dont break up your family over this. chances are he feels horrible about not being in work. maybe when he goes out he's trying to find work? marriage is for better or for worse and this is a worse moment. things will get better. stop nagging him and do your job. take care of the home, but while i do agree sahm job is to take care of the home, the children should be both especially if he is not working right now. HOWEVER im sure if you sat down with him and talked..not scream or nag, you will realize he feels guilty about not having a steady job.good lck
    mywonderyears

    Answer by mywonderyears at 2:51 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • I was in a similiar situation except my ex-husband was older. I was 18 when I married my 25 year old boyfriend, I was 18 and then 19 when our two daughters were born. He worked hard and I stayed at home. I took care of our home and the kids while he was working but he'd often quit or get himself fired if he felt fed up with his job and then around our 2nd year of marriage he decided not to work at all. I suggested that I work and he stay home but he didn't want that - he had no patience for the kids and didn't know how to take care of them on his own (these were HIS reasons for me not working) so we fought constantly and began resenting each other. It wasn't long before he started cheating and I left. I think the pressure of having a family to care for finally hit him and he couldn't handle it. Now he's 30, has a girlfriend who treats him like shit but supports his lazy ass and their 1 year old daughter so he's content......
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:06 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

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