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My child is putting a strain on my marriage

So, my son was 10 months old when i started dating my husband, and we married 4 months later. He is the only dad my son has known. He ws always great with treating him like his own. I had a child with my hubby in 2006. And I feel we have had problems ever since. First of, he refuses for my little one to grow up. He has fought me on so many things,taking him off the bottle,putting his crib in the other room,ect. He treats him like a god,domnt get me wrong, I love my child. But he goes above and beyond. Gives him EVERYTHING he wants,when he sees my husband, he sees ATM.He was never like that with my oldest when he was smaller or even now. My 4 yr old has a new 42" flat screen with a new XBOX 360min his room. So my husband reveals yesterday that he bought the XBOX for him. He gives the little one all the attention and myself and other child nothing. I am jealous and resent him at times.I feel my marriage will not last PLEASE HEL

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:46 PM on Feb. 23, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (18)
  • I think it's because the younger child is his blood. The older one is not. Things are always different with your own kids. Don't let it ruin your marriage.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:52 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • I am sorry but you need to have a serious conversation with him about this. If you feel he is spoiling the youngest, then he needs to know this. you are raising this child together. also, if he is the only father your oldest has, he needs to step and act so. i dont care about blood. my dad was not my bio dad, but he treated me the same as my younger sister who was his. things may be different, but he needs to understand that things have to be fair for both boys.
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 2:59 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • This is why I would never get remarried and have another child. Unfair to the kids you already have to call a do over.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:00 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • Your DH could do with a parenting class or two. Maybe take the classes together so he won't feel like you are singling him out? And you might want to consider marriage counseling, too, because you two need to learn how to communicate better.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:11 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • I am a stepmom (stepson lives with us) and it's a very difficult thing to raise someone else's child, especially once you have one of your own. I do think that buying a 4 year old a tv and xbox seems insane, but as for all the love he gives his child you just need to give that much love to yours. I know that you think just because your husband has been around since your child was a baby that somehow he loves that child like his own, but unfortuntely it usually doesn't work that way. My stepson is 7 and has lived with us full time for 3 years. I've know him since he was two. I care for him but the way I feel about my own daughter is about a million times stronger. I do my best to keep things equal, but my daughter is only 9 months old so I have no idea what the future will bring. I leave it up to my husband to make sure his son feels loved, I am nice and happy toward my stepson but that's about all I have to give...
    stepmom929

    Answer by stepmom929 at 3:12 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • It sounds like your husband is interfering with your relationship with your child. I strongly suggest family counseling.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 3:14 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • I'm sorry, but that is NOT your child putting a strain on your marriage, that's your husband's doing.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:21 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • A 4year old is not the cause of the problem here. Your husband is dividing your family.

    I agree with the suggestions above - family counseling and parenting classes.

    It's possible your husband does not see what he is doing, but it still isn't right.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:27 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • Bull shit. I remarried and had additional children without this kind of nonsense. First of all, your problem isn't the child. Your problem is your husband. Get that straight in your head. My child is ruining my marriage makes a great attention grabbing headline, but it isn't the truth. Your husband needs counseling. He is spoiling that child. No 4 yr old needs a 42 inch TV. Your jealousy may also be a problem.  I see many years of counseling in your future.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:32 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • I remarried, had an another child with my husband and he doesn't do any of this! He treats all 4 of our kids the exact same way. Definitely need some family counseling - I think ANY tv for a 4 year old is overboard, much less one that large. And most video games aren't for kids anyway - what about a basketball goal and a kickball? But I can't imagine how all of this is making your older child feel - poor kid!
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 3:39 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

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