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Writing Parenting column and need opinions: When dad wants to help with the kids (especially baby), do you let him do so happily or are you reluctant to relinquish the reigns? Explain your reasoning, please.

A recent column, "When moms criticize, dads back off baby care" states that many moms are reluctant to allow fathers to care for baby because 'they can do it better/faster/easier' themselves. Feeling that this may be true, many fathers shy away from offering assistance in caring for thier little ones.
I would like to find out how many moms intentionally or (more likely) unententionally try to fulfill the 'supermom' role under the addage 'if you want it done right, do it yourself'.

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Asked by Traci_plus_3 at 12:31 PM on Jun. 26, 2008 in General Parenting

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Answers (6)
  • I may as well answer my own question first, to show 'good faith'. I will admit that I have often found myself pushing my husband away to tend to my kids needs...Collin fell down, Terrey woke up crying, Jack needs help with a problem. I don't think this is because I don't trust my husband as a father, but something seems to subconciously keep me from relinquishing control. I don't have a problem leaving them in someone elses long as I'm not there, I'm fine, but if I am with them, I always seem to be the one running to thier aid. I cant wait to hear other moms' answers to this.

    Answer by Traci_plus_3 at 12:37 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • I have never gotten in the way of my hubby helping. I work full time and take all the help I can get. My kids always ask for me when they are sick and have boo-boos. I still most of it because he "lets" me.

    Answer by wilbursdaughter at 2:03 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • Doesn't seem fair to not allow your husband to assist if that is what he wants. Neither parent, in my opinion should be overbearing and feel as if they have the right to keep the other parent from helping. Marriage and parenting are supposed to be joint ventures.. so many women complain that their husbands do not help.. you tell him to back off enough times and when you really do want help, he might not be there. And you keep him from helping and his bond with the children may not be as good as it should be.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:27 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • Oh God that would be wonderful! I'd say here you go! enjoy! and go do something for myself. No I am not really picky as long as they get fed teeth brushed and are well taken care of and somewhat clean when I come home. The thing I do have a problem with is the HOUSE being a disaster when I return, like I'm suppossed to be like "hey baby you are such a wonderful man for letting me go out! I REALLY don't mind this mess!" "I just feel like cleaning and whistling a tune!" I don't think entails all the responsability of the kids including messes!

    Answer by Tayleina at 4:30 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • A control freak I am NOT!!! I let him do everything!! I even ask him to do things to free up some of my time, even if it takes him twice as long... thats time where I can be doing something else. Even if he messes it up I usually keep my mouth shut. I'm so happy to have the help!

    Answer by drowninginboys at 10:58 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • We have triplets and I MADE him do things to help. He would say he didn't know how to do certain things, but I made him and let him do things his own way. His first "I don't know how to" was his first attempt to get out of changing diapers. Fat chance! He would also try doing a crappy job on certain chores, but I just left his attempt alone. (he thought I would just push him away and do it myself). Again, fat chance! He is now very emotionally bonded to our kids and I'm not sure that would have happened so deeply if he hadn't been left to do things on his own. But, I didn't leave them alone with him until they were a lot older because he didn't react to their crying like I did. He would let them cry without thinking he needed to do anything and he would sleep through the loudest, longest cryfests. It wasn't easy at first and I yelled at him too much in the beginning but he is a a really great dad and I am so proud of the dad he has become.

    Answer by tripsmom1 at 10:39 PM on Jun. 28, 2008

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