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husband and pot

I have been trying to get him to stop smoking for a while now. He had a hard time finding a job and I finally gave him an ultimatum that if he didnt quit he was out. So he quit for about 3 months, and found a job, that does not require drug testing. He started work today, after being out of work for almost a year. He started smoking again tonight. Am I alone in my decision to want to kick him out? What would you do? He says it's not fair cause the main issue was him not working and it wont make him loose his job. Just to clarify, we do have kids, and he does not do it in the house or any where around them.


Asked by Anonymous at 11:04 PM on Feb. 23, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (24)
  • Well OP there are many views here. Make your own decision but sit down with HIM and make it. This isn't something you can decide for him. And if you want to do that, you have to ask if its worth your relationship. Alot of women SO was a pothead and did this or that..some said he also had aother problems going on though. Other women don't have "potheads" or SO's that let it control their lives. So alot of this depends on how much the drug controls him...just remember that it may not. Your situation is different from any other women's even though we try to apply our situations to yours. Don't forget that. I hope things work out for you. :)

    Answer by MamaChamp at 10:36 AM on Feb. 24, 2010

  • Is this your only concern with him or are there other problems in your relationship? Is it simply because its illegal? Do you have other concerns with the pot itself? Has it prevented him from being a good father or husband? It just seems like a huge thing to want to kick him out over...especially since he quit for 3 months to make sure he could get a job.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:10 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • If that is the worst thing he does then I would just deal with it..I would rather live with a pot head than an alcoholic any day..As long as he keeps his job and does not spend too much on it, and it does not interfere with your kids then I would let it slide..


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:10 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • Yep I am with them. Do not pay for his stuff. He has to pay for his own fix. If he wants money to buy it then he is gonna need a job. If it is not interfering with his other husband and father duties then who cares.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:14 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • Well what makes the pot so least its not cigarettes or alcohol honestly. Especially since he got a job.


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:14 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • OP here - For the most part it does not interfere. He is a good dad, and when he has a job,m he works really good, he lost his last one because of economic downsizing, nothing he did wrong. But it took him 11 months to find a job after that. Also, he hasn't gotten in any legal trouble recently (10 years) but he has prior misdemeanors from it and if he gets caught again, what am I going to tell my kids. And he will find reasons to leave to go smoke. When we are having trouble with the kids, or he is in a bad mood, he will make up a reason to leave me with 4 kids and out of nowhere just to go smoke. Other than that, and immediate problems stemming from it, we have a pretty good relationship. I am just fed up with the pot.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:16 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • I despise pot. I set ground rules for that, no smoking pot...if my s/o can't comply then I wouldn't start a relationship. It's my preference and anyone who's going to be in a relationship with me isn't going to do it either. Thankfully I'm married and dh isnt into doing it. If I were you I'd let him know that it would make me feel better to not have him smoke pot anymore. why quit for 3 months only to start up again? I'd tell him to do it as a favor to me, because in a relationship you both should respect each other's opinions and try to work things out so that the both of you are happy. There has to be a happy medium somewhere. Hope things work out

    Answer by LynnB1 at 11:19 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • This is your first anon....Its great that he's a good dad and husband. To be totally honest I think you're just upset and frustrated because he leaves you at home with four kids and he gets more breaks than you do. If he were leaving for any other reason like to drink, or bowl, or just anything you'd still be upset because the root of the problem isn't the pot. Talk to him about that. But be willing to really listen and adjust your rules on it. My DH will almost always smoke on our back porch outside. IF its freezing really really freezing :) I'll tell him he can go in the bathroom with the exhaust fan on or in our room with the fans on AND window open. After he's done he comes back in the living room and watches tv with me and just carries on with our normal evening. Is that something you would let him do?
    And if its breaks you really need, or more time with them, tell him all of that too.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:22 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • Your not alone. Pot is one thing I don't allow, that may make me sound like a b***h but I don't care. I have seen far too many lives ruined with it (dad, 2 sisters, 3 brother-in-laws, countless family friends) I finally decided after growing up seeing the damage it can cause, that I will not associate with anyone who does it, besides my dad and sisters (but they know not to do it or talk about it around me).

    Hubby was an occasional smoker, and he knows that if he ever does it again, he won't have a wife. It's as simple as that, he knew that when we got together and he honors my request. He understands why I feel the way I do and I love him even more knowing he respects my wishes as I respect his.

    Answer by imamommmmyyy at 11:23 PM on Feb. 23, 2010

  • Lynn...there's no happy medium if you just demand he not smoke. Thats just gettng your way.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:23 PM on Feb. 23, 2010