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Help with a shy/insecure 12yr old.

My daughter just turned 12 a couple of weeks ago and i noticed this past year or so that she is becoming so shy. She is an extremely smart, beautiful girl and has many friends at school. I noticed whenever we go to parks, parties etc she always stays close to us until a friend or relative initiates playing. whenever friends or family see her and try to talk to her she keeps her answers very short and doesnt respond back with "how are you" etc. I dont know what i can do to raise her confidence or help her with being more social. im afraid it might get worse..

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cookiequeen127

Asked by cookiequeen127 at 9:56 AM on Feb. 24, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (5)
  • Are you sure she has alot of friends at school? Could it be that perhaps she is being picked on? That would certainly lower her self esteem. If not, maybe she is just a shy girl. Maybe you and your daughter could take up a hobby toogether? Or give her a pet? Good Luck.
    Rachel24517

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 10:03 AM on Feb. 24, 2010

  • she;s 12... she's in that awkward stage... she knows that she's growing, and can probably tell a difference. i would think that you pushing her to be more social, or make it seem like something is wrong with her, it may make her even more insecure. just give her time, and she should be fine. i got shy around 14 or 15 (didn't start my period until then...) and i still am a little bit introverted, but i have great friends that i talk to and can joke around with. having a few good friends can be better than having a load of acquaintances.
    gracefulsky

    Answer by gracefulsky at 10:04 AM on Feb. 24, 2010

  • My DD is 13 and behaves pretty similarly to yours. She was very social in elementary school, but now in middle school it is different. Some of her good friends from elementary school have moved on without her, partly because their parents allow them to do a lot of things we don't think are age appropriate and they hang out with girls who have very permissive parents. My DD hasn't had a friend over to the house in the last year. I keep trying to encourage her to get involved with things at school and invite friends over, but she seems happier just hanging with the family right now - I don't mind that, but I worry she is missing out on social experiences. I am really at a loss here too. She'll be in high school next year, so maybe a fresh start will help. I'll be checking back to see if you get any suggestions for things we haven't already tried. GL!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:13 AM on Feb. 24, 2010

  • it's the age trust me my daughter went thru this her 6th grade year that's the year when they become embarrassed about the changes happening to their bodies it passes trust me my daughter is no longer shy at13
    chica679

    Answer by chica679 at 11:29 AM on Feb. 24, 2010

  • I'm sure it has a lot to do with her age, not her personality. Many girls that age lack confidence until they feel comfortable with whomever they are around. Once she feels relaxed with the people then you will see a difference, she will come out of her shell. She's also dealing with hormones and transitioning from girl into young woman. She has to find her place in that transition.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:05 PM on Feb. 24, 2010

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