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Concerned, but Dr. thinks im crazy

I have been having issues with my 3 year old daughter since right before the age of 2, and it has only gotten worse with time. I know that these are trying years for every child but I feel that the behavior my daughter displays is not quite right. I tried setting up an appt with a doctor to see if she had any advice or could have her checked for food allergies, early signs of ADHD, ect. and I was treated like a total idiot for even suggesting it. I know I am not the first mommy to go through this and I will definitely not be the last but I don't see anything wrong with being concerned. I know she is only 3 years old but is it possible to tell this early if something may be wrong with her beyond the normal toddler behavior?

 
Ctink8189

Asked by Ctink8189 at 4:19 PM on Feb. 24, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (18)
  • Whats she doing that's weird...?
    Malibustacy

    Answer by Malibustacy at 4:20 PM on Feb. 24, 2010

  • What is the problem?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:24 PM on Feb. 24, 2010

  • What is she doing that you feel is weird or different?
    3_ring_circus_

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 4:33 PM on Feb. 24, 2010

  • See another doctor in the group, or another group of doctors. Some school districts test kids as early as three years old as part of early intervention. But a physical by a doctor is a part of that testing, the family's doctor.

    i agree with pp's -what's not right that you're getting this feeling about? Food allergies can be started at home by eliminating and writing down behavior before removal and during removal. Continue removing things for a week even two weeks better then go on to something else.

    Doctor's can do skin patch tests for some food themselves, but if that's far away keep a diary yourself and remove products and not behavior differences.

    You say you know some behavior is normal 3 yo behavior but imply your child isn't that. What's up, lost kinda without much more information.
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 4:33 PM on Feb. 24, 2010

  • Well I could write a book on it honestly but she spits at me when I ask her to do something, she is unusually violent towards me as far as biting, scratching, kicking, throwing things, she doesn't learn anything from any type of discipline whether it be time outs, taking toys away, talking, or a pop on the behind. She holds grudges on me for things that I say no to. I know most 3 year olds get upset when you tell them no but they forget about it and move on when something bigger and better comes along. But not her, if I tell her no about something she goes out of her way to make the entire day a living hell for everyone around her up until the time she goes to bed at night. It is hard to explain everything that she does unless you actually see it for yourself. There are a number of people who agree with me because they have seen it as well but I cannot get a doctor to listen to me on it.
    Ctink8189

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 4:35 PM on Feb. 24, 2010

  • I think 3 is a little early to worry about that stuff but I understand your feelings. We took our oldest (then almost 9) to the doctor and wanted to discuss her behavior issues (she acts like she is 2-3 years old with constant tantrums and stuff). We think she may have ODD but her doctor blew us off and said it was just the age but she's been like that since she turned 3 and has only gotten worse the older she has gotten. It's like she never grew out of the defiant toddler years like my other kids did (they all act normal with occasional meltdowns, hers are constant and out of control). The doctor seemed to think it was just a parenting thing and we should be tougher with her. And she said all that in front of our daughter. My other 3 kids don't act like she does and we treat them all the same.
    justanotherjen

    Answer by justanotherjen at 4:35 PM on Feb. 24, 2010

  • for starters they dont quite even diagnose children with adhd until they are AT LEAST 5. if your daughter is acting up...having tantrums. that is normal.
    ILovemyson1020

    Answer by ILovemyson1020 at 4:36 PM on Feb. 24, 2010

  • >I know most 3 year olds get upset when you tell them no but they forget about it and move on when something bigger and better comes along.

    My DD has been holding grudges and has had a memory a mile long since age 2, she is 5 now and still gets mad and can tell you in detail that a little girl at a pizza parlor cut in line and pushed her when she was just barely 2 years old. Girls remember things and dont let go easily. I can punish her at 7 am and at 6 pm she will bring it up at the dinner table or it could be two weeks later that she decides to tell daddy that i am mean.

    As far as her fighting back when you discipline, when did you begin to implement discipline? have you always corrected set rules and boundries? or did you just recently or around age 2 begin to set limits rules and proper ways to treat mom and dad?

    I have a son with autism so i get the frustration, just trying to rule out typical things first.
    3_ring_circus_

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 4:41 PM on Feb. 24, 2010

  • I ran out of room to type but she's also gone through night terrors and sleep walking, I signed her up for a play group with other kids her age and they did the same activities on a daily basis. While the other kids knew and remembered what they were about to do, she was completely uninterested and would not sit and participate with the rest of the group. She would be on the other side of the room playing by herself. I put her in daycare 3 days a week as well so that she can be around other children and have some sort of routine but I was constantly getting calls to come pick her up because she could not be controlled and was hurting the other kids until finally I pulled her out because I got horribly confronted by another parent because my daughter put a deep cut all the way across the other child's face. I am just scared that the behavior will get worse and continue on when she starts grade school
    Ctink8189

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 4:42 PM on Feb. 24, 2010

  • Oh mama, there is nothing wrong with her. You have a strong willed child. I suggest you get a book about it. I got "The Strong Willed Child" by Dr. Dobson. I can tell you, everything that you wrote, you described my 3 year old....but that's how she was about 6 months ago. i can't tell you how things have changed now. She is sooo much different and it's all in what I learned, and turned around and applied to her. There are other books out there, I'm not really familiar with any others, but there are some. It's the best thing I have done so far for her and myself. Our relationship is sooo much better now. good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:42 PM on Feb. 24, 2010

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