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How do I move forward when ppl wont let my past go?

3 years ago I was convicted of solicitation and charged with a misdemeanor,since that time I have completely changed my life around and lost a lot of friends in the process.I ran into an ex boyfriend from when I was a teenager(I am in my 30's now)this past December.We have been seeing a lot of each other since then and today he informs me that someone told him that I was arrested for prostitution and the insults kept coming for at least the next hour,no one has ever talked to me the way that he did today.Then an hour later I get another text message saying that he hopes that one day I can forgive him for what he said to me.What is that?Believe me,I have never felt so hurt by someone elses words or felt so humiliated in all of my life.Why would he be so irate and suddenly apologize for things that I know he meant.I will never trust him and I know that he meant every word that he said so why say sorry?

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:32 PM on Feb. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • He may have realized that he overreacted? He probably felt hurt and insecure after finding out that info. and flipped out.
    The question is, can you forgive and forget? I probably couldn't. I would think that he was thinking those things on the back burner of his mind all the time...
    But, if you think you can get over it and want to try things out, go for it. Every experience can be learned from.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:38 PM on Feb. 24, 2010

  • for you it is the past, for him it is brand new information. Maybe the shock factor meant he reacted badly, if you've been with him for 4 months, and haven't hinted that there was something in your past, it would be a very calm, strong man who didn't react in some way. He feels betrayed and foolish. What you choose to do now is up to you. You have seen him at his worst. Do you want that in your life or not?

    Answer by myheartx4 at 9:39 PM on Feb. 24, 2010

  • He realized he was being a total asshole. I'm sorry for the things you've gone through. Maybe the only way to really get through this and put it behind you is to literally put it behind you... start over in a new town?

    Answer by Ati_13 at 9:40 PM on Feb. 24, 2010

  • You have been seeing him for three months and didn't think it was pertinent to mention that you where arrested for solicitation? No wonder he was upset. I am sure it was quite a shock for him.
    The only thing you can do is move on. Find a nice guy and tell him early on about your troubled past and go from there. If he were the one, he wouldn't have said such mean things. Even if he does apologize I don't think you will be able to get over the hurtful things he said. Let it go and try to move on. We all make mistakes and bad choices in our life, we just need to carry on and make the best of what we have. Good Luck!

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 9:41 PM on Feb. 24, 2010

  • I know what he said was very hurtful to you, and you're right, you should have a chance to have a clean start and that you've turned your life around and should be forgiven. But, then again, maybe he's hoping for the same chance, kwim?

    I agree with myheartx4 - I think that it was the fact that he didn't know, then he found out about this (something that's a pretty significant thing), and he found out from someone else. So he probably felt hurt and betrayed and like he had been played a fool because you didn't tell him, and like you didn't trust him enough to tell him.

    Now, that does NOT excuse what he said to you! But, it sounds like he was hurt and angry, and now that he's had a chance to think about it, he realizes that you aren't that same person anymore, and he was out of line.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:46 PM on Feb. 24, 2010

  • cont

    Now, if you could find it in you to forgive him for what he said, and give him another chance (like you got), and as long as he does NOT throw this up to you EVER again, then I think, since you cared about each other before this, that you could salvage your relationship and maybe even have a stronger one, because you don't have to worry about if he will ever find out. (Talking about it, and answering questions about things like when it happened, how long you were doing that, disease, etc is not the same as throwing it up to you though.)

    If you can't forgive him for what he said, or he can't forgive you for not telling you (or he can't get over your past), then I would just let it go and move on. But, I would suggest that in future relationships, when things are starting to get serious, you might want to share it with the person yourself, so you aren't hurt like this.

    Good luck, I'm sorry you're so hurt :-(

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:51 PM on Feb. 24, 2010

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