Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Will he ever figure it out and marry me already?

O.K. we've been together for almost 4 years now and he proposed in september, but he won't let me set a date and start planning. Not that he won't let me. It's just we've had a rocky road. Had our first child 1 year after we started dating. I'm really at the point where I don't think he knows what he wants. He says things need to be good good before we get married and thats what were working on. I'm at my witts end. Someone, please clue me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:38 PM on Feb. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • well I would wait on the marriage. or really get him pick a date and tell him you already started booking things and see how he reacts if he is fine then use that date and start calling if he flips out break it off
    r00j04j08

    Answer by r00j04j08 at 10:41 PM on Feb. 24, 2010

  • Give "good good" a fair shot, say for a year and don't bring it up. When a year is up say whats the bottom line are you ever going to make a commitment to me? If he tries to string you along further then you've got your answer.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:41 PM on Feb. 24, 2010

  • anon 41 here... unless of course you think "good good" is just some sort of hoop he wants you to jump through.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:43 PM on Feb. 24, 2010

  • I would ask him for a timeline unless you are willing to wait for however long it takes to get "good, good". You have a right to know if this is really going somewhere. Sept - Feb is long enough before you set a date.
    CorrinaWithrow

    Answer by CorrinaWithrow at 10:51 PM on Feb. 24, 2010

  • Why should he make the commitment to marry you when he's getting all the benefits right now? Men are not usually the ones anxious to make it all legal and sometimes it's the fact that they want more than they're getting that leads them to make the commitment. Good luck.
    ceallaigh

    Answer by ceallaigh at 10:58 PM on Feb. 24, 2010

  • I think he is actually doing the right thing! if things have been rocky, he is showing that he IS in fact commiting to you, but wants to be sure you are in a good place.He loves oyu enough to say he wants to spend his life with you, and if I were you, let that be enough for now. dont push it and work on the things that need fixing. if those things get better, and the road is smoother...then ask for a timeline. if you do it before he is not gonna budge and you might, well will, lose a great level headed sounding guy. because dear, marriage is not the answer for a troubled relationship. if you think thigns are rocky now, get married and it can blow up in your face.
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 10:58 PM on Feb. 24, 2010

  • well tell him that he should have thought of that B4 he had children! it's as good as it's going to get. quit giving him everything he'd get in a marriage without the commitment. Take the child & Leave until he sets a date. He will give you a date then. end of discussion
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:14 PM on Feb. 24, 2010

  • You should be grateful that he's not rushing headlong into marriage. Do you know how many marriages end in divorce? 6 in 10. You don't need to be married in order to be a family. Don't listen to people who tell you that you NEED to be married. You CAN be committed to one another without having a marriage license. Lots of people do it/have done it. Don't punish him by taking the child like the PP suggested. You'd only hurt him AND the child he loves. And that's really immature.

    Let him take all the time he needs.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • My husband and I were alike in this. We were engaged and we got pregnant. My husband was not in a rush to get married, and neither was I. We were both in college. Well, after we found out we were pregnant we got married and he enlisted in the army. And today, more than a year later, he'll tell you he is happier now because now we are fully committed and feels more comfortable. And feels like the army is great because it gave him drive, he was in college and was "coasting". (His own words)
    So I hope you the best, and maybe give it some time. I know its hard. Been there. :) Sometimes things happen for a reason, and go with your gut.
    Sillybillymel

    Answer by Sillybillymel at 8:06 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • A marriage license costs around fifty dollars and takes about twenty minutes. Tell him he has X amount of time to marry you or move on.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 9:34 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN