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son wants to have sex!!

We have a 17 year old son, he has a girlfriend, they have been dating for over a year. He thinks its outrageous that I dont allow them to have sex in the house!! He called me a hypocrite, he said i totally heard you and dad having sex in the shower this morning dont even deny it. So your allowed to have sex and im not your such a hypocrite. I explained to him that we are trhe adults you arent we are married and you arent. If we want to have sex 5 times a day we will because were adults we are married we are you parents and can do what we want. I m not a prude by any means but I cant allow my son to have sex in our house, but this has become a constant fight any suggetions??

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Asked by beccastar89 at 11:56 PM on Feb. 24, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (23)
  • Oh gees.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:58 PM on Feb. 24, 2010

  • do you know anybody with a newborn baby or little baby? If so have them bring it by and he's responsible. Don't let him dodge it. See if he wants to take care of a baby and if he can handle taking care of a baby and let him know that's it a very real possability when people start having sex. And then if he still wants to, let him know he can get his own apartment, and pay his own bills and have sex in his own home. That's just how i would handle thing. The "you live in my house, you go by my rules" deal. Good luck, and stand your ground. Don't give in.

    Answer by FinleyFirst at 11:59 PM on Feb. 24, 2010

  • Well.... he's going to have sex whether its in your house or not. Just dont let him in his room with girls, or let them sleep over. That way you cover your bases with the girls parents, but they wont be in the bushes or something. Just in your basement when you arent looking! Its GOING to happen.. and maybe moreso if you pressure him not to. Have his dad talk to him about safety.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:00 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • Tell him he can have sex all he wants...when he moves out of your house and is paying his own bills.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:00 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • I usually give the same answer no matter what. Get Job, your own place and pay your own bills then you can make the rules.

    Answer by CKasting at 12:02 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • Saying "We're the adults and we'll do what we want' is going to get you NOWHERE with a teenager. I know because I've been there lol. Just because you're an adult doesn't mean that he loves this girl less than you love your husband, AND their hormones are driving them to do this, one way or another. It's a PRIMAL and POWERFUL urge that neither of them have much power to fight, and standing in the way makes you the enemy.

    Stick by your guns, because I've seen first hand what happens when you allow sleepovers and such (my brother and sister both have live-in SOs that don't pay rent, and my brother got some girl pregnant in his room with paper thin walls). But don't throw "we're married" and "We're adults' in his face any more. it will lessen the fighting.

    Answer by Ati_13 at 12:05 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • "get a job and get your own place" OP- I'm wondering....what was his punishment for speaking to you like that? I have had a lot of verbal back and forth with my teens but there are lines that don't get crossed. Blatent disrespect is loss of all priviledges until I say different. Please don't misunderstand I am not judging you. I wonder if it has happened so gradually you became immune to it or what. Respect is pretty much our number one rule. I probably couldn't have dealt with the sex part until I had dealt with the disrespect.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:09 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • Tell him that when he's out of the house and married, then he can have sex whenever he wants. If you cave in and decide to support him, YOU would be the hypocrite. Until he's able to say his vows, and can support his girlfriend on his own and is willing to take care of a child should she become pregnant, then he isn't entitled to have sex. Sex is a priveledge for those inside of a loving, committed relationship once ppl have made vows before God and man.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:21 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • Anon: 21, what if they're not a Christian family? And what if she did have premarital sex? I think this mom should feel proud of the job she's done with her son so far, that he would come to her and tell her that he wants to have sex with his girlfriend. Truly, it's a very personal choice and one that every teen has to wrestle with at one point or another. Teens are the most fertile in their lives, and their bodies are telling them to procreate before it's too late. It's human nature, and these teens obviously DO have a loving, committed relationship or they wouldn't have dated for the last year.

    Sex is not a priveledge any more than is breathing, it's a bodily function. We should do it responsibly, but not everyone sees it as you do.

    Answer by Ati_13 at 12:29 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • stand your ground but keep in mind they are teens and they will do it weather you like it or not., your house or else where. just make sure that he does know about safe sex and even take him to get condoms and explain what the statisics of unplanned pregancy are and the potential risks are. ie. std, pregancy. be thankful that he came to you in the first place about it most teens wouldn't . try to have a calm conversation explaining why you dont feel that he should be able to have sex in your house the more you explain the more likely he is to listen. the whole im an adult and your a kid doesnt work anymore at that age. just give him the tools to make an informed decision.

    Answer by laura970 at 12:43 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

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