Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Why do married moms pressure single moms to get married to the fathers of our children?

Is it because misery loves company or what??


Asked by Anonymous at 12:09 AM on Feb. 25, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Children fare best in a STABLE home environment. That doesn't mean it has to be a married mother and father. A stable home can be a single mom, a single dad, 2 moms, 2 dads, OR a mom and a dad. I take offense to those who say my daughter is going to grow up screwed up because her dad and I aren't married and living together. How ignorant can you get? She is being raised in a loving and stable home environment. I don't have men in and out of her life-I'm not even dating right now! God, do you think that just because I'm single, I'm sleeping with every man I meet??

    The fact that 60% of marriages end in divorce tell me that most children are not raised by MARRIED parents. A lot are raised by DIVORCED parents. I'd rather save my daughter from the agony of a divorce, thank you very much.

    Answer by Fallaya at 1:35 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • OMGOSH! I am currently pregnant and engaged, my fiancee and I are holding out for a LONG engagement, when I say long I'm meaning 2-3 new came pretty soon in our relationship and we've been with each other barely a yr and have one on the way in May. Of course now that I'm pregnant, I'm noticing all the single or unmarried girls who are too. Alot seem toget married 'because of the baby"...yes fiancee and I actually at this point could be called S/O we PLAN to get married, but I even told him not to get the ring and make it official until after the baby is born...I dnt want to rush it because of baby we want to be sure. rather be two civil parents, then a rushed marriage gone wrong and ended up badly.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:15 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • I believe it's irresponsible for a woman to have a child out of wedlock and to have children outside of a loving, committed, two-parent relationship. BUT, if for whatever reason a mother ends up single, or divorced, I believe she has an obligation to raise that child to the best of her ability until they are adults without subjecting them through several relationships in the process. Wait till they're eighteen, and then work on finding someone to spend your time with.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:17 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • Oh Hooray another generalization. Not ALL married moms believe you should marry the fathers, matter of fact I told my SIL it was a bad idea and my inlaws pressured her she caved married him and is now going through their umtenth seperation and filing for divorce. All I had to say was I told you so.

    No one should ever marry just because they are having or have a child together. My oldest was born a year before we got married, of course we were already planning the wedding but I wasnt willing to walk down the aisle pregnant.

    Yes you are going to find the moms who insist you cant have a child without being married that it is wrong and just bad for the child...whatever....If its not right for you dont do it, but also dont think that just because there is a ring on my finger or anyone else's we automatically think you need to hurry up and get married.

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 12:40 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • anon 2 that is a very ignorant statement. just because you are not married to the father does not me that the child is exposed to an unloving relationship. also its really selfish that you believe that a woman should be all alone til the child is does NO harm to the child to see their mother date in fact it teaches the child the reality of growing up which apparently you have no grasp seems you live in a fantasy world and only believe your way is the right way. my boyfriend and i aren't married nor do we intend to be married for several years...that doesn't harm our daughter in any way...just because something is right for you does not make it right for everyone else

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:41 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • Anon 41 Why do you feel the need to bash me because of my opinion differs? The more relationships single women with children have, the more their child is exposed to potential molestation, rocky relationships, and so on. Look at all the statistics out there. Plus, the divorce rate among ppl who shack up before marriage, is significantly greater than those who were married before having children. Ask a child their opinion on what they would like...mommies undivided love and attention, or having to always be pushed off because mommies trying to find a new man? I'm not saying that a woman couldn't find a good man before her kids are grown and out of the house, but I think it's a pretty rare find.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:51 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • I don't think that people should get married just because they are having a baby together, but can we really deny that it is best for children to be raised in a stable, loving, two parent home, with positive male and female role models? And that doesn't mean I'm against gays marrying or having children, I'm actually very much in support of that. And that doesn't mean getting or staying married "no matter what", because obviously there are cases where it is best for the child for the parents not to be together. What that means is showing our children what they should be looking for in a relationship when they get older, whether married or not. It's being in a stable, loving relationship with the other parent and giving your children the positive home base that they need to succed in life. For me that was being married to their father, for others it may not.

    Answer by canadianmom1974 at 12:51 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • >>>>Wait till they're eighteen, and then work on finding someone to spend your time with.

    WOW That is very ignorant, If my mother hadnt met, dated and married my (step) Dad when I was 4 I wouldnt have had much of a father figure at all, Instead I was given a loving dad who cared for me like his own, held my hand during childbirth, walked me down the aisle when i got married. I guess my mom should have paid the price because the price of having a husband who cheated on her then left her and their 6 month old child for some trashy woman at his work wasnt a big enough price right? Were do people come up with these grand Ideas that a mom should act this way and only this way? I only met 2 of the men she dated One she was engaged to until he had a horrific car accdent and wasnt the same and pushed her away, and then my dad when they got engaged and blended their family's. He was a blessing in our lives.

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 12:53 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • A $50 marriage license will give all of you legal protections that can cost more than $10,000.

    Answer by rkoloms at 9:24 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • I believe that getting married just because of a baby is the worst thing for a child, from experience. Not that I married for that reason, my parents did. They got pregnant with me and got married not long before my mom had me. They HATE eachother. They divorced when I was 5 and it's been a never ending bickering fight ever since. And the kids get drug in the middle of it. I'm 23 years old and still have to listen to it. It's pretty ridiculous. I got pregnant at 19, just a lil bit older than my parents, and I told the dad there was no way I was going to marry just cuz of it. and luckily I didnt. Turned out he had been lying about quiting the drugs, cheating on me, and he turned verbally abusive. I left him before I had my son and he has never been in my sons life. I'm now married to be DH, for a lil more than 2 years, and alot happier. Its much more stable for my son to have a responsible loving man as a dad

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:58 PM on Feb. 25, 2010