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Is it okay that I "settled" in marrige rather than for love?

He will never cheat on me, I know this for fact by his character.

He provides all we need as he can.

His family accepts me.

We have really really good chemistry, the sex is awesome and he is very good at what he does~ extreme capatibility in the bedroom.

Our children are amazing, much more than either one of us ever imagined.

He is not my dream man, and he saved me from myself at a point in my life when I had given up (I was 34 he was 39, no previous marriages (just bad relationships) and no children as of yet). I am not his dream girl.

I love him, he's a good man, lazy sometimes now that he's working alot of hours and is 44. But I dont believe Im "in" love with him. I would be devastated if we ever split, but because I wouldnt know how to go on with 3 children (one on the way due anyday).

Ive had 6 years with him now to come to all this conclusively, am I wrong for settling, becasue that IS wh

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:23 AM on Feb. 25, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (21)
  • I really think you need to replace the captain of your Brainship, because she's drunk at the wheel.
    All that "dream" nonsense is just that--A dream. You're in a good, caring, respectful relationship with good sex. That's love. That other stuff? Made-up crap to sell books and movies.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:46 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • What do you mean by 'he is not my dream man" and "I am not his dream girl?". My s/o isn't mine if I think in terms of my "dream man" having blue eyes or vise versa...but y'all love each other right? Sounds like your two are happy?
    Jeda624

    Answer by Jeda624 at 1:27 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • There just isnt enough room in the question part of things......to finish it off:

    We do not fight, only on rare occasion and I blame that on my hormones from my pregnancy because I havent been picking my battles lately Im just combative lol.

    He brings me home flowers, he takes me places on my birthday when we can afford stuffs, and usually whatever I say goes, he is compliant.


    Had I had a chance to look into the future 6 years ago, I would not change the way things are now, I truly love my children, but I dont think I truly "Love" him. I am scared that as time passes I may regret marrying for opportunity to not be alone and have children, over the chance to have a partner that truly cherishes my existance.

    Kinda sat about the latter paragraph, I always wanted the "one" that fought for me. How many of you out there have "settled" for content instead of love.......?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:28 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • Everything you said, sounds like an awesome secure relationship. You guys got married and just because you aren't "in love" doesn't sound like you're not happy, there is a difference between loving and "in love". Not every couple is "in love". yes, we all want to be, but truth is life can bring us to the "not in love..butterflies in stomach" point. You made the statement "I'd be devasted". And you also mentioned you're pregnant. It may be you're letting your hormones get toyou. But sounds like you've a relationship to hold on to .
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:29 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • What do I mean by we are not each other's "dream".

    He always wanted a latino sporty look, it drives him crazy. Im Indian/Irish, black hair green eyes tan well, but no where near the latino beauty he craved.

    I wanted Italian, tall, dark eyes, luscious lips, chemistry, the kind I'd be jealous when others looked at him,but he is one inch shorter then me with grey eyes and reddish blonde hair <----total opposite and at least I "kinda" resemble lol.

    He is 44, he was still living with his parents at 39 when we got pregnant and he moved in with me. I think he settled too, but neither one of us has ever discussed it, I just feel it.




    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:33 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • i'm sorry you feel that way, after reading some womens stories...about ppls husbands telling them to go suck on guns or blow their brians out, or merely name calling etc. sounds like you have what some women would kill for. But, if you're not happy, you're not happy.

    And most guys like different "types".. Mine likes that I'm hispanic & curvy, but he also has had the hots for exs with red hair & blue eyes & literally (no INSULT) a flat chested AA cup ex girlfriend...My s/o would find Eva Mendez attractive right along side Nicole Kidman...

    He doesn't mind if men look at me, he sees it as a compliment. I too used to want someone who'd want to fight for me

    I am the outsgoing one, so sometime I'm not fair in judging how I want someone to be with me. Like I think he should "stand up for me more" because he didn't handle something the way I would. He is laid back, I have to accept he lets things I wouldn't - roll of his bac
    Jeda624

    Answer by Jeda624 at 1:42 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • yes it is "okay". Sounds like you're happy. But if y'all are fantasing how life would be and wanting more and something else. maybe it would be time to move on. But I'd seriously talk about it with him and figure that out. 'cause youve got babies to think about and lives you're affecting.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:46 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • You have 6 years you wouldn't have done anything different? Then you're fine, just hormonal and second guessing things, it sounds like (no offence)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:47 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • Quoting Jeda:

    you have what some women would kill for. But, if you're not happy, you're not happy.


    I didnt try to imply I was not happy, just curious if I will be regretful later in life to marry for security.

    He doesnt drink, nor smoke, never has, and he doesnt do drugs, he got out of the army and works a full time job, without a break 3 jobs consecutively only changed to go higher in pay for the last 18 years. Yes, Im grateful he doesnt talk down to me, if he did I wouldnt be with him, he is "easy" Ive told him that from day one, He is so "easy" to accept.

    Anonymous at 12:29 was probably right in its just my hormones from being 36 weeks preggo.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:50 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • As long as you're happy, I wouldn't say you made a bad choice. In all honesty, it doesn't sound like you settled at all (either of you)... it just sounds like you ended up being happy with someone you wouldn't have ever expected.

    My husband is very compliant also, sometimes it sucks to compare our "relaxed" relationship to my past relationships where we fought hard but loved hard too. But this is a much healthier relationship to have children in, and I know deep down my hubby would fight for me if I ever cared little enough to make him.

    I may be wrong, but from all you've said, it sounds like a stretch to say you're not "in love" with the man you yourself described.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:56 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

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