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How can I deal with my 18 year old (step) daughter??????? sos

I have five children 4 by marriage -girls and my son
their ages are 18 - 13 my trouble is this the 18 yr old girl or adult as she likes to be called has had several issues thanks to a mom that skipped out on all the girls 4 yrs ago. I guess she was never much of a mom to begin with.....anyway my 18 yr old knows it all and is not nice about telling you this..instead of being a good role model she has also somewhat abandoned her sisters, never has time for them and thinks threatening to break their f ing necks is a way to get what she wants or keep secrets. my home is in an uproar and my husband seems to make excuses up for her left and right, I mean she wants to have all the good things that go with being 18 and none of the responsibilities. She met a boy on the internet almost a year ago and she actually got worse... and has gained so much weight she is almost 300lbs and does not think she should work????

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:58 AM on Feb. 25, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (6)
  • The girl's mother abandoned her. Can you think of a worse pain than that (other than death?) Did anyone get the girls counseling for that trauma? I'm sure she's acting out from the pain and thinks the world owes her something for that pain. The weight gain says a lot. Not sure if she will go to counseling now but the girl is in pain. Feel her pain and don't just judge her behavior. Get her help
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:01 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • she thinks she is a adult them kick her out and make her get her own place. Tell your hubby he is killing her future by giving her everything. Tell him just to look at her does he wants this to be her future?? make him get a good look at her.
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 11:03 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • If her father won't back you up there isn't anything you can do. I would say tell her it's time to move out on her own but I bet daddy dearest wouldn't go for that right?.... That's a tough one. Sit dad down and talk just the two of you about her behaviour and how it has to end because it is affecting everyone else in the house.
    Allergic2Stupid

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 11:03 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • Try reading the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen. It's excellent!

    Your husband's children may not like you calling them 'your' children. That may be part of the problem. You aren't their mother, never will be. If you stop trying to act like a mother things may go a lot better with them.

    It's not her job to be a role model to her siblings. There should be rules of how people treat each other that everyone follows that your husband should agree with. Your husband needs to decide what her other rules will be like getting a job if she isn't going to school.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 11:10 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • EVERYONE has a back story. ALOT of people go through stuff, but what helps them is people that set them straight and show them the right path. Sit down and talk with her, your dh as well, and tell her that her actions will not get her by in life. If she doesn't start acting right, then there will be consequences. i wouldn't say kick her out, but i would say since she is living with you she can help with the rent/mortgage, if she has her own car pay for her own insurance, even if it is still through ya'll, she pays her portion to you, same with the cell phone, help with the groceries. it could just be 1 or 2 things you have her do, if she refuses then have consequences. if you paid for that ipod, take it. if you pay her cell phone bill, take it. If you paid for that gucci purse, take it. if you paid for those expensive shoes, take them. she has to work to get it back, or you sell it and YALL keep the money, or give it to go
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:45 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • sorry, *goodwill
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:45 AM on Feb. 25, 2010

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