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im fat and he isnt....will this ever work out?

we have been together for almost 4 years, have 2 kids. i have been big all my life, when he met and pursued me i was about 280 lbs. i have put on about 25 lbs from my 2 babies so i am a little over 300 lbs now. i still look almost the same i can still fit into pre-baby jeans and some high school clothes i had! i still wear makeup, do my hair, get dressed up sometimes etc. about a year ago we werent having any good sex and when i addressed it he broke and said it was bc he was not as attracted to me and wanted to see what i would look like if i lost some weight. he took it back after i cried, but now we are in the same rut. we get along great, but he in uninterested in my sexual pleasure, he gets his and gets to snoring. i made a comment about a pair of jeans he has with skinny legs, and he abruptly said that he would rather be small than big bc there are less health problems....i was only talking about jeans??....cont'd...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:05 PM on Feb. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • is he unattracted to me even though i look the same as i did when we met? i can still wear all the same clothes and even high school and pre-baby clothes, i can still fit. whats the deal? he doesnt make comments often but i dont feel as though he likes my body and i dont want to be with someone who cant accept me fully for who i am...i wouldnt want to lose weight just to be with a man, there are plenty of men who love big women, i get hit on ALLLLLLL the time, even some of his friends have given me the eye?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:08 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • He got with you when you were already big.... so why know is it a problem for him? that is something I would ask him... also I would try working on losing weight and then chucking his ass the the curb... that is just cruel and I think you deserve better.

    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 12:09 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • If you were 280 when you met and you have only put on 25lbs, I would question what else has changed. It's not like you were a size 4 when you met and now your a 24. Only taking his pleasure when you have sex is just selfish, that has nothing to do w/ your weight. You don't say how tall you are but over 300 is probably more than you should be and he is right about the health issues, but that is a personal call. You can't lose weight bc he wants you to, you have to do it for yourself.
    CorrinaWithrow

    Answer by CorrinaWithrow at 12:13 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • While I agree that a person should love you for who you are, it seems he does as he is still with you....but to be sexually attracted to someone who is morbidly obese is a tall order, no? You asked him for the truth and he gave it and now you don't want to accept it....so I'm guessing the answer to your question is no, it won't work. You are not willing to get healthy and he, understandably, isn't turned on by you. Sorry.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:13 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • I'm sorry he is making you feel bad. I am heavy too but my husband never made me feel crappy about it. In fact I gained an entire 100 pounds throughout our marriage and he still didn't say anything. Have you thought about doing something about your weight for yourself? I had the lap band put in and lost 100 pounds the first 9 months. I have a few more pounds to go but man do I feel so much better about myself!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:18 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • @ anon 12:13 i am not the only plus sized woman he has been with now that i think about it. he has been with a few large women. though i may be one of the biggest, i can think of one who was close to my size....also if he is not attracted to fat women, then why get with me in the first place? i want to lose weight, but not for him, i just want to get better clothes lol. i have never worried about my weight before, i have had plenty of men be all over me and my ROLLS and not think twice. so do i replace him with someone more comfortable with my weight or do i lose weight to try to please a man and save a 4 year relationship bc i will soon be tempted to cheat!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:18 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • Anon :13-have you ever heard the term "chubby chaser"? Some men love nothing more than to get lost in back fat and tummy rolls. It's a turn on for them. That's not for you or anyone else to judge. Some men find thin women(size TWELVE,which is still kind of thick) absolutely unnatractive! If he's concerned about her health, he should say so. If I were her, I would be too. Maybe, OP, you should make a weight goal for yourself. Try to lose 50lbs! Did you know it's actually EASIER for a heavy person to lose weight? I speak from personal experience! I was over 300lbs after I had my kids, but with portion control, calorie counting, and daily cardio, I lost over 100lbs without surgery. I've been in your shoes! YOU CAN do it, and do it for YOURSELF, not your man. You deserve to live a long time to see your babies grow up and give you grandbabies. Sparkpeople.com is FREE and very helpful if you decide you're ready to do it for you!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:19 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • wow, didnt know that a man could of a sudden just break loose cause someone is big and now he wants you to change??

    i sorta kinda have a friend who used to be big also and she somehow lost a lot of wieght but this was after her man cheated on her when she lost a lot. dont give your man the guilty ride that you did when you cryed or he will change his mind and say he wasnt serious about his answer, know what he wants out of you and if you dont want to do it..then make sure you make it clear to him.
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 12:21 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • Don't let it phase you! Being a full woman is something of beauty! Fuller women not only carry themselves different but their outlook on life is something that I admire! Many full women that I know are the life of the party, not because of their weight but because of their attitude! He obviously detected this from the start and that is why he was so attracted to you! Kiddos can suck the life right out of a woman and change her outlook! Maybe it is not your weight that he is having trouble with! He may just miss the way you were before you had the kiddos. But now, I'm sure your attention is set on your kiddos and not so much on him as it was before! Maybe just trying to relax a little and put him in the spot light a little, more might help! Now don't do it too much cause then he'll expect it:) lol But just make him feel the way that you want to feel, loved and adored! Good Luck!!
    cgonzales542

    Answer by cgonzales542 at 12:24 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • Honestly no its not going to work out expecially if you cried and he took it back. That means he just feels sorry for you and thats not what a relationship is about. If my man told me I was fat I would slap him but thats me. I too have gained weight but I know I still look good and my husband never leaves me alone. Hes a huge perve lol
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:27 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

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