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how can i make friends sober?

im an ex alcoholic, and i have always had the most friends when i was drinking but now that i turned my life over to god and stopped drinking knowone seems to want to hangout anymore. I feel i can't even socialize well without it. how can i learn to socialize and make friends without drinking? and has anyone ever been in my shoes?


Asked by Anonymous at 3:10 PM on Feb. 25, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (10)
  • People who only liked you while you were partying were never really your friends anyway. Do some volunteer work through your Church and get involved with something you care about. You'll form more meaningful and lasting relationships than you ever did at a bar.

    Answer by beckcorc at 3:16 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • do some soul searching, dont think about it too much and dont beat yourself up over it. Give your self time, I work out and it boosts my confidence, find what your confidence booster is, finish a book, take a long walk, write a sweet poem and use those to help boost your confidence, like hey I just did all that I can make friends. Those are all just examples, you will find it and you will forget that you once even had a hard time. Good luck and stay positive!!!

    Answer by emleejanedom at 3:14 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • Those were not friends you met while intoxicated or they would still be friends. I had a hard time making friends after I moved to FL. So I asked myself what would my mom do. She was a very social person. People would flock to her. It was her smile and her approachable demeanor. She just had something about her that others wanted to be around. I have no clue if I have it or not but I pretend I do and it seems to work. Get out and meet people in general. Let them see you are a great person. I did volunteer work to get out and meet people. I also went back to college a few years back just to meet folks...ok and get another degree. The point is make yourself available. Learn to ask people questions even if you know the answer, just to get them talking. Relax and enjoy, too. that helps

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:16 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • You can't. They have to come to that on your own. You may find that these friends are actually just people you happen to know, and that it may be time to know them a lot less.

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:16 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • on *their own, rather.

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:16 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • Maybe find like minded people in your church to hang out with. They will be less likely to want to go out and drink the night away and more family oriented. You could also try an AA meeting. This could help to discuss these issues you are having with other people that have or are starting to give up alcohol. The people there may be able to give you some ways to deal with the issues that come up, such as the ones you mentioned. Good Luck!

    Answer by mom2BOYZnDad at 3:18 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • Yes. My fiance and I went through this together when we first started dating. The Bible tells us to keep ourselves away from people who will lead us astray so anytime our old friends were drinking we would leave. We dont have alot of those friends left but we have slowly found new friends who share our values at church, bible study groups, parenting groups, etc. You have to really watch who you include in your life and the lives of your children.

    Answer by amber710 at 3:19 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • Oh WOW Congratulations for doing this!!! You should be very very proud. Maybe look for aa that includes weekend meetings? I know of Episcopal churches that hold aa meetings on weekends cuz that's a night that some in recovery can step backwards. Weekend meetings are a help.

    Also public libraries have great free programs days, evenings sometimes weekends on all sorts of things for kids and adults young and old. You don't have to go to only a neighborhood library, it be one anywhere. Some times there are craft groups, book groups, movies with bring a meal or bring a dessert, all kinds of things without demands, just for good times and friendship.

    Answer by lfl at 3:21 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • I use to live in an apt next door to a guy that had actually moved from one town to another to get away from his 'old crowd', as he put it. His sobriety was very important to him, I use to go to the AA meetings with him to help support him. He went to his NA meetings alone though, he said there was such personal stuff being talked about there that they only let the recovering addicts attend.

    You know you can check on here to see if there are any mama's in your town, just click onto the >Meet Moms< button at the top of the page. I'm in a group that is for our area code, one mama has been over to my house for lunch and we're trying to get as many together for a picnic-get together soon.

    Good luck, I can't say that I know how hard this has been for you, but don't give up on yourself. Being able to remember where you were the night before is certainly worth it!

    Answer by daisy521 at 3:32 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • Wow. I'm an ex meth addict and obviously lost all my "friends" when I sobered. You know I never really made any new ones. I have my husband who recovered with me and I met one gal very recently who is straight. I moved to a new area and met her through an acquaintance. Otherwise it's really really hard to find sober friends.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:28 PM on Feb. 25, 2010