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Does your DH/SO apologize to you ? Mine won't apologize to me.

Last night during a disagreement my SO basically said I'm a bad example to our son because I have anxiety problems and that I am a loser who has accomplished nothing.

I don't start throwing insults at him when we are disagreeing about something .. but almost every time I disagree with him and won't just back down- he starts throwing insults at me. Then he won't apologize because I A. took it wrong or B. it's my fault he said it because I argued with him or C. it's true

Half of the time the things he says are partial truths. So they sting really bad. I've gotten good at defending myself, but jeez why does he have to cut right to the bone -- and over stupid disagreements?

I'm not gonna stop disagreeing with him, that's life ..

And honestly if he would just apologize to me (honestly or ACTING) for hurting my feelings all would be forgiven! But he won't do it.

Why do you think my SO will not apologize??

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:19 PM on Feb. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • pride, mine doesn't like to admit he is wrong either, and most of the time he will just say I can see how someone might think it is wrong!
    but maybe he is not sorry, sometime i wonder if my husband is ever sorry or ever thinks he is wrong..
    TaiM

    Answer by TaiM at 3:30 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • You won't change him or his way of thinking so change the way you react to his stupid way of thinking.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:32 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • Why do you think my SO will not apologize??

    ***
    Because he's NOT sorry, he MEANS what he says! And you allow it to continue by not putting a stop to it! He clearly doesn't respect you, yet you keep coming back for more. This is giving him "permission" to keep insulting you. REAL men, don't insult women or blame their medical conditions for how their children behave. The problem is with HIM, not you.
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 3:32 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • He's a piece of work. I would not put myself through that relationship. You have enough problem with anxiety for him to be adding to it, am I right? Sheesh.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:40 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • I agree with LoriKeet. He doesn't apologize b/c he feels he's right. Mine will apologize to me when he knows he's wrong. If he thinks/knows he's right, he won't apologize. Usually, at those times, I wouldn't want him to, b/c I know he's right.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 3:40 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • Mine DOES apologize to me for anything he thinks he might have done/said wrong. It's hard for him to do, but that's what makes him so special!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:41 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • OP) How should I change how I react? I used to cry but that just made him mad. So I had been telling him how insulting was not the way to get me to agree with him and very clearly stating my point again in a non-emotional manner and that would just get more insults.

    So now I've been pushing back (not insulting back, but arguing with his insults and then readdressing the original disagreement calmly) and he is cutting deeper and deeper.

    This was seriously just a hypothetical disagreement about our son having school off on his birthday if he has good grades and great attendance.. And THAT is what his response is. To outline why we should not raise our son the way I was raised because obviously it caused issues with me. Nevermind that my anxiety stems from sexual abuse that has nothing to do with having school off on my bday and the fact that I HAVE in fact accomplished a few things.

    I just don't understand.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:53 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • Why do you think my SO will not apologize??  Because he is abusive and controlling.

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 3:54 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • OP) Why hurt me so bad just because I won't agree with him all the time?

    I mean I didn't even push the disagreement last night. I just said that and repeated myself and I got THAT as a response..

    Is this his cruel way of shutting me up? It worked. I shut up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:55 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • it's a guy thing i swear..in the 3 yrs that i've been with my hubby he's said sorry to me maybe 10 times...belive me our marriage/relationship is not that great that we've only had that many fights..i love him don't get me wrong, i'm completely head over heels for the guy...he's finally just recently started saying sorry for small things that he's said/done that upset me.
    mom_to_kenzie

    Answer by mom_to_kenzie at 4:13 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

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