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Have you ever asked a simple question, reaching out for encouragement, and had someone jump down your throat?

"... I can't imagine what is so special for you to do, that you would leave a 5 month old on the floor crying so you have some "me" time. I understand very well that sometimes you have to walk away to be safe, but then you need to grow up and be the parent and realise he isn't spoiled, he isn't being selfish or manipulative and it is your JOB to get him through these first few months. If you can't then ask a friend, family member or pay someone to help. You chose to have him, not the other way around."

FYI, "me" time means washing dishes and fixing lunch. I went through 36 hours labor WITHOUT pain meds for this baby. I spend 75% of his waking time holding and entertaining him. And most of the time I really ENJOY him. I will not go into the reasons babywearing didn't work, that's a whole 'nother story. He is a fussy baby, and there are days I get wore out. Does that make me so irresponsible???


Asked by Adelicious at 7:21 PM on Feb. 25, 2010 in Babies (0-12 months)

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Answers (11)
  • He's not going to be permanently damaged if he whines for a minute while you scarf down a sandwhich or go pee. But, I'm going to agree with whiteroses that you cannot spoil him by loving him and holding him. It is not going to harm him if you hold him all day and respond to his fussing. You are doing the right thing.

    I read the other thread you are referring to and you got a range of responses, some of them were plain stupid and others were mean and condescending. My guess is that those people have never had to look after a difficult baby all day everyday. It's absolutely draining.

    But, you also got some really good responses, support and some helpful suggestions. Why not focus on that?

    Answer by EmilyandIsaac at 5:23 AM on Feb. 26, 2010

  • And I don't just leave him on the floor crying, I put him on a blanket with his toys, which entertain for a little while.

    Answer by Adelicious at 7:31 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • WOW! I didnt read the question your are quoting, but there is NOTHING wrong with letting a baby fuss for a few minutes and take the time to entertain himself. Holding an infant all day long will do more harm than good and he will never learn independence.

    You should NOT feel ba for putting him down next to you while you take a shower or do the dishes .... Dont let anyone make you fell like a bad mom. Our job is to teach our kids how to eventualy be self-sufficient. Stiing by himself for a few minutes is the first step =)

    Answer by christyg at 7:31 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • I am sorry things are so hard for you. I had 2 fussy babies and it is just hard. I would ask for some help from a friend or some family, if you can, just for a break.

    Honestly, there is not much you can do for a high maintenance baby except for watch the clock. The encouraging thing that I have found in the ones who don't sleep - they are very bright but can still be high maintenance. At least when they are older you can ask them to use their words.


    Answer by balagan_imma at 7:34 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • We all get worn out, we all have days where we wonder what the heck we were thinking, No your not irresponsible, but possibly the wording of your original post did not reflect everything you have just said above, It was more critical of the baby himself.
    Sweetie all you can do is look at each day as a fresh day, a new start. Yes you have to put him down to do stuff, maybe if you can rethink it that he is not whining, he is telling you he misses you. It is normal at this age to spend 75% of your time holding him, it is exhausting, but it won't last forever.
    Public questions in here are rarely 'bitch-free", just ignore and take what you can from other posters

    Answer by myheartx4 at 7:38 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • has the baby always been fussy like this, have you seen a doctor about it?

    Answer by myheartx4 at 7:42 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • Wow I am sorry that happened to you. I think it is pretty pathetic that people on here need to attack others for no reason. If I do not agree with something I read on here i just move on. I can totally sympathize with you needing to walk away for a few min. The first 6 months I was completely overwhelemed and sometimes my DD would not stop crying no matter what I did. I would hold her rock her, feed her change her nothing helped. I would simply put her in her crib where I knew she was safe and I would give myself a 5 min time out. I am a SAHM I have been home with her everyday and it can get very trying sometimes. You are tired, which makes you more irratable and you just need a time out. There is nothing wrong with knowing your breaking point. I would much rather hear about a mom placing her baby somewhere safe then to hear she snapped and hurt her baby. You do what you need to do to get throught the day.

    Answer by melliesmom1207 at 7:51 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • Theres nothing wrong with letting a baby cry for a bit while you have to get something done. As long as they are in a safe environment... can't get hurt...yeah...its fine. A baby won't die from crying.If anything, they learn a lifelong to soothe themselves. You're a good mom...don't let something a rude,no-it-all person has told you get you down. Let it roll of your shoulders.

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 7:54 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • Look, I'm not bashing you for leaving your five month old while you handle things. Please hear that. But these other people, saying a baby that is held constantly will never learn independence. Poo on that. Please don't try to act like leaving a baby to cry is a necessary part of development. It's not. I never left mine to cry (I had help, not super mom here), and mine are more independent than most. Leaving a baby to cry every once in a while is unfortunately a necessary part of being a parent, but it doesn't enhance that baby's development.

    Now, if he is crying every single day while you make lunch, adjust something. Get some cold cuts, premade salads, adjust lunch time, something. Easier said than done, I know. But you should not routinely have to leave a baby to cry to complete household tasks.

    Answer by whiteroses82 at 8:57 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • I get wore out too with a baby that needs me a lot. The dishes don't get done, or I wait until a nap or night time or when my husband is home. I don't leave her to cry for more than a minute and only if I am A. putting on my pants B. peeing

    Sure there are days I need me time...but I threaten my husband with harm if he leaves her to cry if I've left her with him so I can have a shower alone. I've made friends with fruit that I can eat without fuss. Salads and sandwhiches are good pals.

    Some babies do better in different types of wraps or slings and some slings are better for certain sized women or body types or back issues. There are lots out there, so you might give it another shot.

    My thing is that I knew what I was getting into. I bend over backward because she is a baby and doesn't understand the modern world...I am her world for now and it won't last long

    Answer by amileegirl at 10:28 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

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