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my friend wont let her son come play at my house, what gives?

We are literally next door neighbors in an apt building, have been friends for over 2 yrs and our children are best friends. My DD is 15 mths and her DS is 19 mths. She has us go to her apt all the time which is fine but when I ask for her to come she doesn't seem to want to. She is at work right now and asked me if I wanted to go over her house so the kids can play, because her husbands home with their DS. I thought it would be a better idea if I had her DS come over to our house instead with out her husband because she's not home. She says no. She always says no when it comes to him coming over my house but when it comes to me being at her house she'll leave me alone with the kids and go to the other room and cook or will even let me go over while she's not there. Basically, I know she trusts me because she obviously wouldn't let me be around her husband alone and stuff but why won't she let him come here?

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:54 PM on Feb. 25, 2010 in Just for Fun

Answers (24)
  • its her kid, she dont have to

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:55 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • is your house dirty? or maybe is it too clean? i know when i go to someones house and its too clean, i dont like to bring my child there, i dont want to have to feel like i made a huge mess. or if your house is dirty, she might not want her kid playing there. if its neither of those, maybe you could talk to her, ask her to be honest and tell you whats up.

    Answer by mrsjosey1018200 at 10:56 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • does your dh do anything that would cause concern?

    I had a friend who I didnt like my son to go to her house b/c her s/o did drugs. I trusted her, but didnt want my son in the house with drugs, so they came to my house.


    Answer by mommymeg03 at 10:56 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • I mean none of this in a mean way, but is your house as clean as hers? I know I have issues with my kids going anywhere where the house isn't clean and the floors are obviously dirty. Do you have pets and she doesn't? You could ask her. Just tell her you were kinda wondering if there was something at your house that makes her uncomfortable with her child being there.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:59 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • OP Here: my house is pretty damn clean so I know its not because we are dirty. And the house is cmpletely child proofed so that's why I don't get what the deal is.

    To the first post: I don't need rude cooments. I'm asking a legit question. Of course its her child but I am trying to get feedback on this not nonsense

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:59 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • We don't do drugs, were just normal people that have lots of toys for her DS and my DD to play with.
    No my SO is super nice actually is usually not here when I invite her DS and/or her son over. He works a lot. OP here

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:03 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • A couple of things come to my mind. #1 - Is this her first child? A LOT of women are ubber protective and would never allow their child to go anywhere outside the home without them. Don't take that personally. The other thing to look at is this....I'm not making any judgements at all (I don't know you at all) but really think and be your home less clean then the average home? Does your family play games, watch movies, listen to music, etc. that another mother would not want her child to be exposed to? Really look at your home and home life, then be honest with your friend. Tell her that you are wondering why her child is never allowed in your home. Tell her that you really want to know the truth. Also, be prepared. Do not get upset if she feels that there is a problem in your home. Every woman and every family is different, and we have to respect that.


    Answer by AngelDawn7 at 11:03 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • How do your discipline styles compare? My sister is always complaining about other kids picking on her 4 year old, about other parents not watching their kids and then the kids getting her son in trouble, etc. She doesn't let him go anywhere where another adult may tell her child no or treat him like he should have some responsibility. In REALITY, she let's her child get away with murder. She doesn't make him share, be respectful of adults, play nice with other kids, etc. So in turn, I don't let my kids go to her place either. LOL

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:16 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • I don't mean this as an attack or an accusation either, because I don't know you or what your home is like, or why she's like this, but you asked for reasons she might be doing this, so...

    Do you have a pet? Maybe she has a fear of animals, or she has allergies, or is afraid that her kid has allergies. Maybe she doesn't think you have enough toys, or she doesn't like the toys you have.

    Maybe even if your house is clean or looks clean she has a problem with germs, or thinks your house is "germy" (I knew a woman who thought she kept a clean house, but I literally watched her clean the inside of her toilet with a rag, - no cleaners - wipe her floor with the same rag, set the rag on her bathroom counter, then rinse her hands off, no soap, scoop the rag up, toss it in the laundry, then grab ice out of her freezer for a drink - she thought it was all clean - EWWW!)

    Do you smoke? Do you have a weapon in the house?


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 11:18 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

  • cont

    I don't mean any of those things as an accusation, or even that I'm judging you if that's the case (well, except for if you keep your house the way that woman I knew did - that was just gross - we were supposed to go to the gym together and she was "finishing up her bathroom" and wanted me to talk to her while I waited. I thought I was gonna puke when I saw her do this!)

    There could be any number of reasons going on here, but honestly, if it bothers you, I think the best thing you could do is ask her, in a calm and non-accusing way, something like "It seems like you don't feel comfortable bringing ___ to my house. Is there anything I can do that would make you more comfortable with it?" See what she says and go from there.

    Just keep in mind, it really might not be you, it really could be her hangup.

    good luck!

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 11:21 PM on Feb. 25, 2010

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