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@*&ked up situation, pls help me!

My DH just announced in a drunken stupor, about a week ago, that he did indeed have an affair. (I had a notion for years, he gave me an STD but blamed it on a woman he was with before me) In fact, the strangest part was that it was with his aunt whom had molested him since he was 12. This has been the hardest week of my life. He has been very flirty and deceitful in the past, but knowing that he was going back to his molester, getting an STD all while I was preggo with our first son 10 yrs ago, has me boggled beyond belief. I know molestation is nothing to take lightly. Now sober he refuses to talk about it, he says non-chalantly that it doesnt count as cheating and will not talk about it further although he went back to sleep with her multiple times after our son was born, again 10 yrs ago. I now know why he is such a disturbed man, but I don't know what do to with this confusion of emotions, esp when he will not seek help.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:16 AM on Feb. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • Wow that is a tough one. In one hand he cheated on you and that hurts enough in itself... and on the other he was molested by this woman and it has caused some major physiological problems in your husband. Of course you natural nature would be to stay and comfort him and help him.... but if he doesn't want to get help, then there is not much you can do. Perhaps a trial separation might help. GL hun.

    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 1:24 AM on Feb. 26, 2010

  • Get out... he is obviously disturbed and not going to change. think of the example he is showing your son... on a side note, I hope you don;t let his aunt anywhere near your son... she should be jailed ( or worse for doing that to a child) you should also make him get counseling for his and your son's sake. I wish you the best of luck and if you need to talk I am available
    LolaRae

    Answer by LolaRae at 1:27 AM on Feb. 26, 2010

  • I agree completely with both of you....when I found this out, I wanted to kill this woman and still do. I hurt for him, but was hurt in the process of this whole thing. Its so weird, as if I needed this drama. We also have had 2 other children since then. This sucks so bad
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:33 AM on Feb. 26, 2010

  • Another sick thing, was that I asked him, "is that why you never wanted me to go with you to your aunts house?" and he said yes, that she threatened to tell me what they were doing if it stopped. God!! We moved away from her years ago, but she moved near us a year ago, and we never saw her because she doesnt know where we live, but he just says dont worry about it she doesnt know where we are....im conflicted wondering if they r still talking...this is efffin crazy. I cant handle this, im fragile as it is.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:35 AM on Feb. 26, 2010

  • We have been separated for the last month for his flirty behavior at work with women, so this news just makes a reuniting situation so less possible. I really hurt for this man, but cannot be with his sickness.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:42 AM on Feb. 26, 2010

  • He needs help...YOU need to get away from him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:48 AM on Feb. 26, 2010

  • Yes, what he went through was awful and he needs counseling for such an ordeal. But you also have to look at the fact that he went back as an ADULT and had obviously consentual sex with his aunt for it to have happened the first time that she is using to blackmail him with. So, regardless, he cheated on you. Then he continued to cheat instead of being a man and owning up to what he had done. I realize that he is / was probably scared of this aunt, but as I stated before, he is no longer a fragile child who can't fight back and knock the living sh*t out of this woman! Maybe I just don't understand and around her he IS that fragile child again...idk...but he needs to think of his son and children. Obviously if she's willing to do this to her own nephew, she'll do it to her great nephews too...sick sick woman needs to be in PRISON! and I know it's hard, but you should just back away from that situation altogether. Love or not :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:50 AM on Feb. 26, 2010

  • Oh, and another thing. If he doesn't want help, then he doesn't want to change. Seriously, hun, get your kids and go> Don't even look back! Put the perv in the corner, and slowly back away with your hands in the air!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:56 AM on Feb. 26, 2010

  • I've heard that molesters from childhood have a very strong hold on their victims even as adults, he needs counseling.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:36 AM on Feb. 26, 2010

  • You better think about leaving him before you catch some other disease. He needs help because what he is doing is not right.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:42 AM on Feb. 26, 2010

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