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My daughter (clings) suffocates her friends and drives them away

Help! My 10 year old daughter, in grade 5, is a sweet, confident child but always seems to have friends problems. I am a little remote from the day to day as I work full time long hours and am not friends with the other moms to discuss but Nicole seems to be going through a lot of tough times and I don't know how to help her. From what I have noticed, she is very domineering over a friend when she has one. Even with myself I notice that when we are out and about she is glued to my side and a bit controlling. She was recently dumped by her best friend (a third in the group won out) and now she is trying hard to make other friends and comments I've heard from her after school are such that the new friends seem overwhelmed. One girl told my daughter that she is 'stalking' her!!!! I think she doesn't understand the nuances of making new friends - gently, slowly..and I'm not sure she could understand this. Advice?????

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MomofOne7777

Asked by MomofOne7777 at 9:51 AM on Feb. 26, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (5)
  • Speak to her about this and maybe it's a sign that she is lacking something from you also.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:05 AM on Feb. 26, 2010

  • Not sure what you think she's confident about but she's insecure to say the least. That comes from being insecure while growing up. Where is dad? Has anyone taken the time to make this child feel secure? It doesn't look like it. You and dad need to take the time to show her the love bc the damage you have done has created this clingly bossy child desperately in need of someone who will stay with her since everyone even her parents are too busy to make quality time for her. She will find a man like that too and be miserable as an adult. Get her in counseling to get her back on track so she can make friends who will stay. Right now she sounds like she has abandonment issues. That's not from other children. That's from home. Not bashing, just saying.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:13 AM on Feb. 26, 2010

  • She's not confident at all. Her behavior shows otherwise. Confident children aren't bossy. She does need to be talked to and find out whats going on. Best of luck
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 10:19 AM on Feb. 26, 2010

  • Ladies,
    I really appreciate the answers and I'm taking note. However, I will add the following in response. Our daughter (dad is stay at home) has been coddled and both of us spend a lot of time with her. (maybe still not enough?) she has been the center of our life although I wish I didn't have to work and I could be more involved. We are both loving parents and never miss a school play, etc. I recall elementary school being traumatic for myself with the friend thing and maybe this is partially a personality trait?? I have never been able to 'be one of the gals' as I myself am not a 'conventional' female. I work in a very male dominated trade and I speak my mind. Perhaps my lack of 'friends' (other moms) (I do have a few real friends) is providing a bad role model...I do worry about this and feel guilt.
    MomofOne7777

    Answer by MomofOne7777 at 10:34 AM on Feb. 26, 2010

  • I have the same problem with my 10 yr old daughter who also has always had her Dad and I very involved in her life. I sometimes think we also coddled her too much, making her our whole world so she thinks she should be the center of the world no matter who is around. She also is bossy and can "smother" friends and doesn't understand just "relaxing" and letting people come to you. If she calls a friend to come over and play and they don't call back she will ask me every 10 minutes if she can call them again. If I let her she would bug them to death!!! I also find her very confident though so I can totally see where you are coming from. I wish I had an answer but I am searching for one too!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:55 AM on Mar. 2, 2010

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