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Adopting.. Welcome home party or shower before we get the child?

We are adopting a 3 year old boy from the foster care system. And my mom wanted to throw a baby shower or kid shower before we got him but my mil thought that after having him for a week or so throw a huge party for him where everyone comes over and gives him gifts and grill out.. That sort of thing. Which is better? I don't want to overwhelm him with people and make him feel uncomfortable but I do want him to know that everyone already loves him and wants to make him feel at home.. So what to do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:02 AM on Feb. 26, 2010 in Adoption

Answers (16)
  • I like the welcome party idea,but let him get settled in first.
    TMJ121099

    Answer by TMJ121099 at 10:04 AM on Feb. 26, 2010

  • Here's the thing... a welcome home party is great- however, I would wait longer than a week. It will take him time to begin to bond and feel "at home"...especially if he has bounced from foster home to foster home or was just recently removed from the biological family's care. If you throw a party a week after he comes home, he may feel very overwhelmed.

    My SIL/BIL threw us a welcome home party a month after our dd came home from China. We wanted to give her some time to settle in before 100 people came over to see her.

    mcginnisc

    Answer by mcginnisc at 10:09 AM on Feb. 26, 2010

  • I love the welcome party idea, especially since he is 3. IF he were a baby I would go with the shower. I say let him get settled in first - I would wait almost a month probably, then have him a nice party.

    Congratulations on your newest blessing :-)
    ratchetlee

    Answer by ratchetlee at 10:11 AM on Feb. 26, 2010

  • The welcome party makes sense since it is for his enjoyment and benefit. I'd say maybe a month or so. He needs to get settled in. Much earlier than that he'll be so overwhelmed already with the change in homes that a bunch of people to meet would be a lot on him. Congratulations on this big and wonderful decision. Best wishes for your new son.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 10:11 AM on Feb. 26, 2010

  • I would do the party after you get him. He needs to meet his family and have a party also. Of course you could do both.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:14 AM on Feb. 26, 2010

  • I like the welcome party, but longer then a week. Let him get situated a little first. He may be scared. Congratulations!!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:15 AM on Feb. 26, 2010

  • I would do the Welcome Home party.
    jilligan362

    Answer by jilligan362 at 10:23 AM on Feb. 26, 2010

  • I also would wait a while. You could have the grandparents come over for a cookout a week after he gets there and then maybe during the week the new Aunts & Uncles could stop over for a bit with their kids, etc. That way he can get to meet his new family gradually before having the large family. Your family will want to meet him right away the same as if you had a newborn baby and you wouldn't make them wait that long. It also helps so that it's a gradual meeting of his new family before being hit with everyone at one time.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 11:52 AM on Feb. 26, 2010

  • I would opt for the Welcome Home party, but also would wait until a month or even longer. Even "good" things can be scary when you are overwhelmed. If you wait a while, give him time to adjust to the new home and family, introduce him to family and close friends, but letting them come over 1-2 at a time, and let him get to know them, so that when you do the BIG party, he will already be comfortable with a lot more people.

    Something that worked well with ours was having a "Come & Go Celebration" at our house, after our adoption was finalized. A steady stream of loved ones coming/going, and we got to visit with each one. Three can be a tricky age. Ours was almost 3 and had beeen with us 2 years. We recently went to a friend's bday party & our 3 y/o got overwhelmed because he only knew the birthday girl & her family. He got upset because there were too many strangers.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 12:18 PM on Feb. 26, 2010

  • I wouldn't until quite sometime has passed later. Overwhelming? Yes. Try you could scare the kid shitless. Let's be honest here. He is entering a new home, new neighborhood, new foods, new smells (doesn't matter he is American every home has unique smells, sounds, foods....), new everything. I would waits several months. Not only that - until a month or so went by I would not introduce my toddler son to extended relatives (even grandparents, aunts, uncles) or daycare provider, babysitter, ect. until he has had the chance to really ease in to the home and immediate family. But, that is just my personal preference and take on it. I know EVERYONE wants to lay eyes and hands on him and celebrate with you and for you. That may not be in his best interest at the moment.  Have well wishers bring needed items at a drop off point where one parent can pick them up.  Then

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:27 PM on Feb. 26, 2010

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