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If your husband cheated on you with his exwife.....

I know most of you would be screaming "leave him". I'm past that option & we're in counseling, now expecting a baby. For those of you who have worked thro things like this, please help me out.
His family lives a few states away, in the same city his exwife does. He wants us to move back there now that we're having a baby, who is the first grandchild in the family, the baby is a real big deal. Not so much on my side, as he's grandbaby #11 lol ;) Point is I LOVE his parents, would move if it weren't for that naggging feeling of his ex wife lives there and it happened once already. is this a point where i put my insecurities aside & go for my child & husband? I know baby would be surrounded with love & as mentioned I LOVE his parents. but I can't get past the potential of her living there too he has easy access. He cheated while on vacation when I stayed here to work, Ive dealt with it easier being shes there not here.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:20 AM on Feb. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • My husband never cheated ( as in sexually, but he still secretly talked to his ex when we were first together) and I had that same feeling everytime we would go visit his family -- I liked them, but they lived close to his ex and still talked to her !! ... So I had that "knot in my stomach" everytime we did visit...

    after awhile I realized I just had to get over it and now it doesnt bother me at all.... I just realized that if our relationship was going to work I couldnt be afriad of what he would do -- it will just make you crazy and push him away..... I know it will be hard, but I think it will make you stronger...


    And of course if he keeps pressuring you about it, let him know that the reason you are worried about moving there is because of him ! That he made you feel this way and that you wont be ready to move until you feel secure enough to.
    glamomomo

    Answer by glamomomo at 1:25 AM on Feb. 27, 2010

  • Don't make life changing decisions based on his ex- wife. if you trust him enough now to stay with him and you should not have the thought in the back of your head "what if he does it again" if you want to move then move. she should not be apart of it. and if you have to worry about him doing it again maybe he is not reassuring you enough.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:28 AM on Feb. 27, 2010

  • unfortunately I dont know if that feeling goes away. It's been almost a year, and I still wonder whenever my husband takes to long at the store, or leaving work or whatever...We did couseling and all and are trying really hard on our relationship. So I try to ignore the nagging, its just not easy sometimes. So if you move, it will be there, it will get louder. But like everyone keeps tellin me...i cant keep the short leash forever if we are fixing our marriage. Trust is a big thing, you just need to give him a chance to earn yours again. And if he does screw up again, well then you know theres really nothing you can do to change him and do whats best for you and your child.
    angeleyes0306

    Answer by angeleyes0306 at 1:29 AM on Feb. 27, 2010

  • its been 2 yrs since my hubby cheated on me with an ex and i agree with angel eyes... i feel the same way, u always wonder and worry.. even with therapy, i love him but its not the same, and i think that moving there will add more stress then there is now, im sure now u already worry if u leave for work or if hes like if hes cheating, it will only be worse there!
    aliciaDnewman25

    Answer by aliciaDnewman25 at 1:46 AM on Feb. 27, 2010

  • I would have to talk to him, tell him and his parents exactly what's holding you back. It's true tho, you can't watch him every second of the day and it's possible it could happen again, but somehow you have to learn to trust again and he has to realize that he's the one that's put the insecurity in you.
    When the family maintains communication and friendly terms it makes it hard on the new wife/gf but as I've learned in my marriage, the family can still like the ex (even when she lied, cheated and stole from him) and there's nothing you can really do about it because they weren't in the marriage/relationship with them so it's no different than how we'd be with our friends.
    Talk to him about what happened and see what he's willing to do to make sure he's not around her, and make sure the parents know how you feel and maybe they'll be supportive of your feelings too.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 8:25 AM on Feb. 27, 2010

  • And also... if you decide to not move... you can do webcam chats so they can see how you're progressing with the pregnancy and once the little one is born they can ohhh and ahhh on cam too. It's not the same but it's better than pics and video's you don't see while being filmed
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 8:26 AM on Feb. 27, 2010

  • Your peace of mind is far more important than anything else. He has already cheated so pointing out that you should trust him is a moot point. I wouldn't move. I wouldn't want to be worried every time he goes to the store or if he's late home from work. I understand you have to learn to trust him again but I don't think moving close to the ex is the way to do it.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 11:43 AM on Feb. 27, 2010

  • Maybe she is why he wants to return there. I wouldn't make it easy on him to hook back up with her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:48 AM on Feb. 27, 2010

  • No I would stay right where I am..I would not move bc he wanted to be closer to them..my husbands parents tried to get him to go back to his ex wife when we started dating..but it didnt happen things were really over with her...but in your case I think if the grandparents really wanted to see that baby they would come visit wherever yall are..dont make things any easier for him or her to be near each other!!!! Just keep in the back of your mind..what happens when u go to work and yall are in the same area or location..you would never be at ease..if you have doubts now u always will...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:17 PM on Feb. 28, 2010

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