Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Feeling insecure when dh around his ex

I've always had a nagging feeling about the 2 of them getting back together. She is the one who no longer wanted to be married, but my dh is one of the most loyal people I've ever met. I've seen him in situations around her, when he was "talking with her about their son", I walked away for 5 minutes, only to walk back and find him really flirting with her. When he saw me come back, he quickly composed himself. So I know I'm not imagining this. I've even asked him if given the opportunity would he want to be back with her. He says, "not since you came into the picture." As nice as this sounds, what if I wasn't in the picture? Shouldn't his answer be- "no, never, I've been there done that, its over." I feel confused and hurt, if it wasn't for her "dumping" him, he would have never wanted to leave her.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:47 AM on Feb. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • You need to sit him down one night and explain to him... that you know he still loves his ex very much and that you can't be apart of his live until he fully gets over her. Let him know that he will never be able to give his all to you until he does. Now, he will protest and tell you that he is over her, but his actions speak louder then words. So you already know what you need to do. Just have the courage to do it. I wish you the best of luck.


    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 1:54 AM on Feb. 27, 2010

  • life not live.

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 1:55 AM on Feb. 27, 2010

  • I think its normal since they have a child together there is always that special connection. I'm sure my sons dads gf is the same way but she seems like a really jealous person anyway so idk. But u need to tell him how u feel.. If u feel second best that is not good and it needs to be fixed.

    Answer by IJmommy at 2:06 AM on Feb. 27, 2010

  • They have a child together and it sounds to be that he is not over her completely nor have they been apart for a long time. How long have you and him been together? how long were they apart before you two got together? Look at those things and if it hasn't been a long period of time then you may want to look at that. Some people take longer to heal.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:37 AM on Feb. 27, 2010

  • I think your feelings are normal. With her being the one to end it, and then his statement sounds like yea if you weren't in the picture then he would, BUT you've said yourself, he is the most loyal person... so chances are he is loyal to you with flirting that he somewhat can't help. He will always have a spot inside his heart for her, but it doesn't mean that he wants her back.
    I'm advising telling him how you feel if you're comfortable with that and tell him that you saw him flirting and that it hurt you, and made you feel uncomfortable and that with him having children with her, it's not like you can ask him to exclude her out of his life, but he can control how he acts with and toward her. That when you see him acting like that, it makes you feel like you're the other woman (that's how I'd feel).

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 8:16 AM on Feb. 27, 2010

  • His answer was honest. That should be enough. He's with you. He could leave if he wasn't happy with you. That says a lot.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:22 AM on Feb. 27, 2010

  • Op speaking- Yes, he's with me, but, we are having marital difficulties. "He could leave if he wasn't happy with you."- Regarding this statement- this is a guy that has a hard time being alone. He enjoys the company of a partner. When we first started dating, he had been divorced for one year from his ex wife. He said he "missed being married". Since we had just started dating , it didn't hurt me to hear him say that, but once I was fully involved with him, it bothered me as to what that statement meant. He told me that the first year of his seperation from his wife, he dated some, but saw her sometimes too, in hopes of a reconciliation. When he met me, I was the closest in personality to his ex wife, which is why he was intrigued by me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:52 PM on Feb. 27, 2010

  • I see your delima then... you are something of a replacement for her. Heck soon as he told me that I was the closest to her in personality I think I'd have had to had backed out of the relationship. I'm not perfect by no means but I don't ever want to know I'm second best. Sorry but that would've been the end of it for me if I wasn't married. If I was he'd be working hard on convincing me why I was the better choice.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 6:59 PM on Feb. 27, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.