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Am i the only one to feel like this?

im 23 with no job and no friends. I love My man and love to be with him all the time well he is my bestfriend to a certain extent. Today is his cousins birthday a cousin that perticularly doesnt like me very much and they are going "out". it bothers me everytime he goes out with his cousin/ some of his single friends. am i wrong for not relaxing and feeling the way i do? nights like this usually end up with me being alone up waiting for him to come home since i have nobody else to keep my mind off what he might be doing or influenced to do.
What do guys do when they go out? what can they be influenced to do? why do i always feel threatened when he leaves to hang with his cousin/friends? i always rely on my mom to take my mind off of it but she says she doesnt want to see me today so i feel down and lonely. plus he hasnt even left to hangout he'll be leaving at 10 hes at work now. so its going to be a long lonely night for me

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:23 PM on Feb. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • First of all, I am not being judgemental here because I think I have had some of these issues as well. But to me, and I am not a therapist, it sounds as though you have some security and/or self esteem issues. Has he ever done anything to make you not trust him? Does his cousin discuss sleeping around all the time and try to get your man to comply? How often do they go out together? Men need their male bonding time to unwind and it sounds as though you need some female companions for the same reason. Being so dependent on one person is unhealthy for you and your relationship. Perhaps you could attend counseling to find out where you security issues stem from, invite your SO to come along to hear your feelings, and get involved in clubs or gyms or groups where you can make friends with common interests. Good luck, hun! Oh, and men do the same things we do...just louder and more idiotic. :-D
    ErinHill226

    Answer by ErinHill226 at 6:35 PM on Feb. 27, 2010

  • Guys can go out and do nothing wrong. Boring guy talk ,a few beers ,work and sports talk, pool and yes discuss hot girls.You know best if it is going to be a guy night or will yours do more.But absolutely guys can get together with out getting in trouble.You need to get some friends of your own.Don't put all your emotional eggs in one basket.A close friend outside of your hubs will make you feel less isolated.Love and closeness is infinite,you will take nothing away if you have female friends also..

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:43 PM on Feb. 27, 2010

  • I would put a stop to it RIGHT NOW because it is going to get worse. If he wants to go out go with him and if he makes a big thing about it that means they might be doing stuff they are not suppossed to I mean I understand he wants to be with the guys but that should only happen once in a blue moon not often. If this keeps up I would not be home either not that two wrongs make a right but I would leave and let him know I am gone I will not be treated this way he had someone in his life and his friends don't that is why they keep calling him I just don't understand why they don't leave him alone they are the ones that can't find someone special like you (perhaps they are jealous of him) he is throwing you and him away so let him know how you feel or just leave him and find someone who will appreciate you for you. GL
    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 8:45 PM on Feb. 27, 2010

  • The answer above is totally wrong. Once in a blue moon? Pfft. So now we have to completely give up all our friends to be in a relationship? Relying on ONE PERSON and needing that ONE PERSON will just lead to too much pressure on him, too much pressure on your relationship, and then when he gets fed up and leaves you've got nothing because you never bothered to find anyone else you can talk to or depend on. Strong friendships are GOOD for your relationship, not the other way around. If he hasn't given you any reason to distrust him and he's not going out and getting drunk ALL THE TIME, then I think you should leave him alone and do what you need to do to make some friends. You need to ask yourself WHY this bothers you. If it's because he can't be trusted, then you should rethink your relationship anyway. If it's because you are paranoid and hate being alone, then you need to worry about YOU. GL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:09 PM on Feb. 27, 2010

  • ErinHill226 - my insecurity comes from the fact that his cousin called me all types of names early in the relationship all because i asked him for money he owed me in my BFs presents. that just disrespectful period to talk that way in a womans presence let alone screaming at the female. so he has no respect for me or in my opinion females in general. He just doesnt like me for no reason honestly i lent him money and he should of paid me back it was going on a year already. and just off of that i feel he def wont be doing things for the benefit of this relationship his cousins words will hold more weight then mine cause in that instance he couldnt shut his cousin up my bf said something but his cousin kept going. IDK his words will continue to echo regardless of if my Bf says to shut up it will be in his subconscience.

    Anonymous 6:43- i do need 2 get more FMaleFriends but i trust no1 in my town they all gossip and BS around
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:23 PM on Feb. 27, 2010

  • Anonymous 9:09- he does go out all the time tho mostly every night although he isnt drinking hes with the above cousin and i dont know what is being said about me. sometimes he comes home questioning this relationship and i can only blame his cousin cause that who he is with 24-7. its probably the fact that hes just with me (not single/ or hoing) and his cousin is probably rubbing in his face about all the hoes/girls hes running threw. i dont know maybe i would feel better if he didnt question what we have cause when he does that then im questioning it and asking my self what is the source of all this. you were all for this thursday morning and now Friday after chilling u thinkin something different? or is that just guys? one foot in the other out. jumping back and forth?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:30 PM on Feb. 27, 2010

  • I wouldn't be comfortable with my husband spending so much free time with someone who openly dislikes me. If your DH could think for himself, or even just stand up for you... that would be different but it doesn't sound like he's doing either. I don't have this problem because my husband doesn't let people get away with disrespecting me, but if I was in your shoes I don't think I could handle it either. It would eat at me everytime he left with that person. It does sound like you have underlying trust issues, you sound very insecure in your relationship, but it also sounds like you relying on others to make you happy (hubby/mom) and that never works. You may need to work on you too.

    It's possible for guys to go out and spend time with their friends, and still respect their wives... but trust is earned and I don't know if your DH is worthy of that trust. It may be a good idea to re-evaluate your relationship.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:20 AM on Feb. 28, 2010

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